86% of Polled British People think French are meanies

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires:22:24:00: 10/30/2005) While this card isn't nearly as fun as a Univision gameshow it does lend levity to what everybody in Florida must be thinking after this year's spate of hurricanes.

Many are actually contemplating a move to some place different. Some ponder the other warmer climes of San Diego, Phoenix or Honolulu, while others think about other growing population centers; Jacksonville, Atlanta, Charlotte, Columbus, Austin. It's true.

Many people think about such moves but few will actually follow through with them because today's day and age of instant gratification has also bred mass stupidity and extremely short attention spans. We're not any better than anybody else, but we've taken enough time out of life through frotification to observe such aspects. Aspects such as short attention span are easily spotted by such commercials that state, "It's not a get-rich-quick-scheme, but I did!"

That shows you just how short attention spans have gotten. It's right there within the sentance itself. It's amazing and true.

Today those in South Florida drive by wreckage on their own lawns no less wondering if they should move back to where they came from (if they're from the Northern Hemisphere) and next month they'll be pondering that no money down mortgage on that third investment mcmansion.

What will change that sentiment will be more direct hits next year.

Frotuss Is Back

In My Living Room:



Fucking Creepshow: Thanks for the Ride Lady!

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires:00:16:09: 10/22/2005)

Police: 93-year-old drives through toll with body on windshield

ST. PETERSBURG, Fla. — A 93-year-old driver apparently suffering from dementia fatally struck a pedestrian, then continued driving through a toll booth with the man's body on his windshield, police said.

Ralph Parker of Pinellas Park drove for 3 miles Wednesday night after striking the 52-year-old pedestrian with his gold 2002 Chevrolet Malibu, severing the man's right leg, police said.

A toll taker on the Sunshine Skyway saw the body stuck through Parker's windshield and notified police, Traffic Homicide Investigator Michael Jockers said. (They thought it was a Halloween Gag, but tragically, it was not).

Authorities did not identify the pedestrian.

Parker was hospitalized overnight with minor scrapes, and was expected to be taken to an elder care facility, Jockers said.

Charges were not likely to be filed, because Parker did not appear to know what had happened, where he was nor the correct date, said Bruce Bartlett, chief assistant in the Pinellas-Pasco County State Attorney's Office.

"He may have somewhere in his mind have realized it was a crash, but immediately forgot about it," Jockers said. (OLD PEOPLE CAN GET AWAY WITH MURDER, NO PROB.)

Police took Parker's license, which he renewed in 2003.

"That was the one thing he had, to get in his car and just drive for the sheer enjoyment of driving," Jockers said. Parker lived alone after his wife died in 1998, according to authorities. (It's almost like this is one big fat fucking, funny joke.)

A spokesman for the state Department of Highway Safety and Motor Vehicles said the agency would conduct its own inquiry into whether Parker, who otherwise had a clean driving record, should have had a license.

Seniors age 80 or older must pass only a vision test when renewing a Florida driver's license. (There should be that fucking Disney Monorail running everywhere.)

Poor Vitale Case:






Thank Thievery Corporation:

The Heart’s Lonley Hunter

The Truth is unspoken, a promise is broken
I’m under surveillance, they know what my name is
I need some protection, some love and affection
There’s 1000 reasons, but one is the number

Welcome to my spaceship
It’s beautiful forever
She’s right here where you left her
And the heart’s lonely hunter

Save bottles of water and flour and sugar
Turn off the AC and hang up the bed sheets
Cover up windows, careful where the light goes
Yank out the cable and blow out the candle

Welcome to my spaceship
You’re beautiful forever
She’s right here where you left her
And the heart’s lonely hunter

Perfectly molded almost unfolded
Under the counter well, that is your nature
Drip grind or roasted, buttered or toasted
The greater the db’s the higher the AC

Psycho acoustics
Down in the black seats
Stereo nation
Amplification
The brave and the righteous
They’re safe in their houses
Now one is just a number
The heart’s a lonely hunter
One is the number
Heart is a hunter
One is a number
Heart is a hunter

Welcome to my spaceship
You’re beautiful forever
She’s right here where you left her
And the heart’s lonely hunter

Welcome to my spaceship
You’re beautiful forever
She’s right here where you left her
And the heart’s lonely hunter

How Appropriate

Mirror in the Bathroom

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires:20:47:09: 10/19/2005) If you have not seen this picture please do. Frotify and see it or do not but just see "Saw".

It is pretty thrilling and will literally have your ass gripping the chair that you're sitting in and your hands over your face trying to pull the skin off of it covering your eyes, your heart beating, your bare feet slamming on your tile floor and twisting and sweating. Or perhaps not if you're a psycho-genius and you think you know how to figure things... out...

Oh...

And SaW2 is coming out as well.

Fuck.

Daily Update: Real Estate Sweat

Top Milfhunter, get's Milf's ex a job on ex-show

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires:06:39:00: 10/15/2005) Top Milf Hunter Ashton Kutcher has decided that just doing Demi and movies weren't quite enough for him. After getting famous for acting dumb and Frotifying on TV (surely that wasn't real frotuss) and marrying a great pair of tits Ashton is fulfilling his lifelong dream of getting the star of the movie "HUDSON HAWK", Bruce Willis (who I can assure people is not related to Frotuss editorial staff) back on his old program to doubtlessly be a longtime promoter of frotuss. Frotuss is the only reason people watch that show. It's so you can sit back and watch these kids who are going on their 7th year of High School sit around and get High in one of the kid's basements and watch the parents accidentally partake some hash/frotuss brownies just like you used to do. It's like a reality show for everybody to remember their own High School/College experiences. It's not a show about rocketry.

It's not enough for old Ashton to nail the mother of his children. They gotta get together and frotify on TV.

Frotuss and 25k. Why not? Sit in a circle on TV. Make funny faces at a camera. Light up. Let smoke billow. Then a half hour later go deposit your check at the BofA ATM/bankomat.

Police: Fight Over Hair Extensions Ends In Stabbing

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires:06:29:55: 10/15/2005)

The injured girl was airlifted to Jackson Memorial Hospital.The girl accused in the stabbing was arrested immediately after.Officials said other students at the high school were unaffected by the incident.As of 5 p.m. Friday, there was no word on the injured girl's condition.

These are the quotes from Local10.com anyway, but doesn't a title like this just grabs ya.

This all happened in Coral Gables. BUT... Hair extensions? Not a boyfriend? Not a bag of coke/pot/heroine/ecstasy/meth/LSD/tranquilizers/valium/mushrooms/uppers, downers, all-a-rounders/vicodin? WTF? Hair Extensions?

How did it go?

Those are mine?

Give those back?

Those look awful, then, smack? Police? News article?

WTF?

So... You're a Chinese Cosmonaut

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires:21:29:36: 10/13/2005) In a giant leap for its space program, China launched two astronauts into a five-day space mission today, broadcasting the entire launch live to a national television audience.

The astronauts, Fei Junlong and Nie Haisheng, were launched into space at 9 a.m. today (9 p.m. Eastern Daylight Time last night) in a mission that will set the stage for China's fast-rising ambitions on the moon and in outer space.

Moments after the liftoff, state television showed live pictures of the two astronauts inside their spaceship, calmly glancing through their technical manuals. Crowds at the launch site were heard cheering and applauding as the Shenzhou ("divine vessel") spaceship separated from the giant Long March booster rocket.

"I'm feeling good," Mr. Fei said in his first televised words after the liftoff. "Looking Good," said Nie Haisheng, as they giggle about their faux "Trading Places" lines.

Apple Jumps the Shark on iPod.

Spain gets first tropical storm -- Vince

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires:21:21:00: 10/11/2005) For the first time in recorded history Spain has encountered a tropical storm. "Vince is the first tropical cyclone on record to make landfall in Spain," the National Hurrican Center said.

One wonders what Mr. Weather Wars has to say about all that. Mr. Weather wars believes that the Japanese Mafia are enacting revenge on the United States for the bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. He blames the technology on ionized air particles, ionized by machines created by the Russians back in the '60s to reduce the need for so many troops, supposedly- but who knows really. Communist countries always need to find stuff for people to do since they're not highly paid to sit around and innovate.

But we digress...

Vince was upgraded to hurricane status Sunday, making it the 11th hurricane of the 2005 Atlantic season, before it lost steam as it lost steam as it churned toward Portugal's Madeira islands.

Only one name remains- Wilma- for storms. After that we will have to begin using the Greek alphabet .

Vince Vaughn was unavailable for comment as he was probably out making another buddy movie with one of his buddies. If he knew about tropical storm Vince he probably would've thought that it was "money, baby"- and "next thing you know, they'll have a storm hitting, Vegas, baby, Vegas."

Bird Flu: We can't find it anywhere, but we'll surely wind up with it somehow

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires:20:43:54: 10/10/2005) Local and state officials are in search of the Avian Flu. They're looking to find it so that they can suppress it and hopefully eradicate it.

Unfortunately this whole bird flu "pandemic" talk smacks of the government wagging the dog. As if there wasn't more important news happening right now. I can think of several natural disasters that have actually occured and have effected a few more than the bird flu.

It's comical how the deep voice-over comes on TV and might as well say, "Doom and Gloom... coming to your house! We're going to find it and make sure you get it."

Last time I looked around everything seemed to be going along fairly well from all indications as far as I, to be perfectly honest, care. The traffic lights seem to be working. The phones work. The TV delivers my football and every game I watch seems to be pretty packed. Society seems to be functioning efficiently but the world situation is desperate as usual and the economy is in the tank and nobody has jobs- or jobs that pay. According to the television of course. I drive to work and sitting at every traffic light I can count up to a million by adding the prices of the cars sitting at the lights getting ready to curse one another out with their road rage.

"So what now? No news? (TV Executives trying to figure out what to report...) What was that bird... that bird thing?"

"Bird flu?"

"Son of a bitch! That could scare some people, right?"

Boy George on Drugs? No way

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires:10:55:09: 10/08/2005) Shocker. Boy George had drugs in his apartment. Why in the world he phoned the police to tell them he had a break-in then proceeded to let the cops comb his place and find his very small stache of cocaine is a level beyond dumb, but we all have our off days.

Lesson Number One: When you have drugs in your house and you've been broken into; do not call the cops until or unless you have consumed them or otherwise made them disappear. This is why houses that distribute drugs keep guns in them. To keep those who would rob them away. People who rob them know that the police aren't likely to get directly involved.

Lesson Number Two: Everybody in New York City has drugs. The police could walk into anybody's apartment and arrest them for drugs.

It's one of the reasons people are drawn to New York. They're inspired to create, to finance, to panhandle, to act. Well, you're probably on drugs if you like doing those kinds of things.

Lesson Number Three: If you're going to look like Boy George, and let's face it that it's a stock photo of him from his super-drugged out phase- you're basically advertising that you're on drugs.

Lesson Number Four: It's pretty obvious that George needs some publicity. He pulled the old "Robert Downey, Jr" trick and got arrested via drugs. When celebrities have fallen on hard times and need work or a reality show they call up the cops, order up some drugs from their agent and get arrested and get their picture on drudgereport, CNN.com and blogs, and Access Hollywood. They get buzz for getting buzzed.

Soapbox Moment: Why are drugs illegal? They might as well outlaw masturbation.

Eisner Steps Down at Disney

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires:20:52:17: 10/06/2005) Often confused with Dr. Evil for attempting to take over the world, Mr. Michael Eisner has resigned from the Board of Walt Disney (NYSE: DIS). Mr. Eisner led Walt Disney for 21 years before stepping down as CEO before Robert Iger took over.

In his tenure rumors abounded with regard to Mr. Eisner's impetuous sexual appetite. He was talked about in financial media circles for his forwardness with female interviewers. Purportedly he asked Maria Bartiromo to "toss his salad" after she had finished giving him a thirty minute blow job in her dressing room at CNBC so she could give him a "one on one" interview in 1998. She told her friends he was ruthless and wouldn't agree to answer any of the tough questions because she refused to stick her tongue in his ass.

Of course this is only thirdhand speculation. Julie Hyman from Bloomberg was unavailable for comment.

Geena, what happened?

Epic Film based on Video game?

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires:22:18:01:10/04/2005) The word is that the guy who made the film 28 Days Later will have his fingerprints on this one. At this point he's only producing it. Word is, that the special effects will be amazing and one may only imagine that the demographic implies that heavy frotuss-users will be rewarded for their ability to enjoy visual stimuli.

Sitcoms are funny, but not to the actors

EU talks Turkey

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires:12:30:12:10/03/2005) Before getting the gravey boat out and getting all ready to celebrate and sleep, remember: these areonly tentative talks to get Recep Tayyip Erdogan and his country that goes by the name "Turkey" to join the European Union.

The rumor is that the Austrians want to give the Turks a second class membership. Why that may be is that the Turks would wind up being home to a lot of cheap labor. It would also extend the border of Europe right up against Iraq. Would that lead to Iraq joining the EU some day?

Let's talk Turkey first.

In Ankara, Prime Minister Tayyip Erdogan told a meeting of the ruling AK party that Turkey was not prepared to compromise further on the conditions for opening the long-awaited talks.

"Those in the EU who cannot digest Turkey being in the EU are against the alliance of civilizations. What I declare is this: the costs resulting from all this will be paid by them."

Turkey has frequently portrayed its entry to the EU as a way of bridging a gap between the Christian and Islamic worlds and easing tensions that may have fostered Islamic militancy.

Diplomats said Ankara had objected to a clause in the EU negotiating mandate that stipulates it may not block accession of EU states to international organizations and treaties.

Turkish nationalists and the powerful military argued that might prevent Turkey blocking a divided Cyprus from joining NATO. Cyprus refused to let the EU change the wording.

Furthermore, power in the EU would be shifting distantly away from France and Germany.

But Straw and EU foreign policy chief Javier Solana hoped to assuage Ankara with a text clarifying that the clause did not impinge on sovereign defense arrangements.

Diagnosing a commonly held mis-perception(Warning: Not Funny)

Between the fourth quarter of 2000 and 2004, U.K. home prices increased 88 percent, on average, according to the Halifax house price index. U.S. home prices, meanwhile, increased 35 percent during that time, according to the National Association of Realtors.

The U.K. housing market started to gain steam in the late 1990s, beginning with the higher-priced properties in London and spilling over to virtually every region and every type of housing. "Buy-to-let" became all the rage as investors shifted funds from their traditional portfolios into rental properties.

"Every week there were stories in the paper about people making more on their property than going into the office," said Ed Stansfield, property economist at Capital Economics in London.

Then, with little warning, the market cooled.

"It was rising at a 20 percent annual rate and then suddenly stopped in its tracks," said John Calverley, chief economist and strategist of American Express Bank in London and author of "Bubbles and How to Survive Them."

While economists disagree on whether the U.K. is experiencing a temporary lull or the beginning of a housing bust, buyers there seem to be waking up to the idea that double-digit price gains can't last forever. Prices overall have been flat, with small increases in some areas and declines in others.

Speculators seem to be having second thoughts. Sellers are wondering where all the buyers went. Retailers say that "house rich" shoppers are sitting on their wallets.

"My sense is that the U.K. market is two or three years ahead of the U.S. market," said Calverley. Every market has its own dynamic, but there are lessons to be learned from what's playing out across the pond.

During the U.K. housing heyday, most experts agreed that higher interest rates would probably dampen buyer enthusiasm. As in the United States, many argued that the effects wouldn't be drastic because higher rates usually go hand-in-hand with an improving economy.

Yet, U.K. buyers -- who typically finance with monthly adjustable-rate loans -- did eventually take notice after the Bank of England started raising rates. By most measures, housing prices started declining in June 2004 after the bank's third quarter-point rate increase.

The Federal Reserve's eight quarter-point rate increases have done little to scare away U.S. buyers, who unlike their U.K. counterparts have the option of getting a fixed-rate mortgage. In the priciest markets, however, many buyers are resorting to interest-only loans in order to afford the monthly payment. These buyers are most vulnerable to the double-whammy of rising rates and declining home prices.

"In the U.S., the markets that are most risky are those where there is a higher proportion of buyers using adjustable loans and interest-only loans," said Thomas Skinner, managing partner of Redbrick Partners, a U.S. investment management firm that invests in single-family housing and is modeled after similar U.K. firms.

Investors who bought property with the idea of flipping it for a quick profit or renting it out played a key role in driving up U.K. housing prices.

Now they appear to be on an extended holiday.

According to the Council of Mortgage Lenders, lending to "buy-to-let" investors dropped 18 percent between the first and second half of 2004 – compared with only a 3 percent drop for owner-occupied buyers. During that time, the number of such investors unable to meet their mortgage payments increased 50 percent.

"People were buying thinking they'd rent it out and make 15 or 20 percent appreciation, but now they're left with only the rental yield," said Stansfield at Capital Economics.

Investors haven't rushed out to sell property, he said, but demand for the type of property favored by investors is quite weak. If prices remain flat or decline, "you'll probably see a round of investors who decide they're overexposed and need to unload some of their property."

A year ago, everyone believed the supply of houses for sale simply could not keep up with demand. It was a sellers' market.

"There was a view that prices would keep going up forever," said American Express' Calverley.

Today, it appears buyers have the upper hand. According to the Royal Institution of Chartered Surveyors, the supply of houses for sale in March is fully a third greater than it was a year ago.

"In these markets there is a herd instinct where people rush out to buy but then as soon as people think differently suddenly there are no buyers," said Calverley.

There is a backlog of property for sale, more is coming up for sale and so sellers – who usually prefer to keep houses on the market rather than lower their asking price – are starting to rethink that strategy.

The impact of psychology on the housing market is slower than in the stock market, Redbrick's Skinner added. But if people are buying with the expectation of prices going up 15 percent, he said, demand will drop off the moment the expectation changes.

When the U.K. market was hot, said Stansfield, lenders became increasingly lenient in their credit standards, allowing for higher debt-to-income ratios, smaller down payments and more creative financing.

"The mortgage industry took great pleasure in the fact that the number of people in arrears was very low and possessions (foreclosures) were at an all-time low," he said.

But as rates rise and double-digit price gains disappear, borrowers are starting to feel the squeeze. As of February, the number of mortgage repossession actions in the courts was at the highest level in five years, and many expect it to rise further.

"What we're seeing now is the first signs of stress," said Stansfield.

The U.K. housing market hasn't gone bust. But homeowners can no longer rely on double-digit price gains to prop up their standard of living -- and that reality is trickling through to the rest of the economy.

According to an article in the Financial Times, High Street retailers are finding a "sober mood" among consumers, while demand for big-ticket items, such as cars, has dropped off sharply. Households have suffered from a "money illusion," said one economist quoted in the article, and are only now realizing that they actually aren't richer.

"You have a lot of people here [in the United States] consuming housing wealth," said Skinner explaining that some homeowners are either spending their home equity or saving less because they assume their rising property values will fund their retirement for them. "Even just a slowdown in appreciation would probably impact spending," said Skinner.

_________________________________

Ultimate Home Guide 2005: How to know if you should be buying; Buying and selling essentials; real estate calculators

Have lenders gotten too liberal?

Risky real estate moves...NOT to make

Funny Cuss-Words: Shitass

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 21:39:21:09/29/2005) "Welcome to my spaceship, you're beautiful forever... she's right at where you left her"..and... said the Thievery Corporation in their four star song "The Heart's a Lonely Hunter.." "One is a Number."

This all leads us (or definitely not) to the word... "Shitass"...

Shitass has to be one of the funnier more recent developments of cusswords. It signifies intoxication to the 7th degree. Why? Because the ass, no matter how inviting it is to either sex for any reason is doubtlessly used for shitting. That was its intended purpose. The fondling of the ass; the beauty of the ass; the curvature; the way it leads to greater things like the picture above (for some- which by the way if you google Shitass under images is the image that pops out most for some reason because the user on this website has adopted this foto as their image to go with the username: shitass, guessingly)- the ass is of beautiful importance and beautifully in poor taste at the same time. Like many of our faces, no doubt.

But the term shitass... It's an endless observation of the drunk in and of itself. The drunk could only encounter such a term in their mind for that one fleeting second and have the balls to belt it out into the midnight air... "Shitass!" Or even, "Shitass, motherfucker!!"

Motherfucker is always an excellent choice when it comes to the loving insult. Nothing quite says I love you like "Motherfucker", the ever endearing term of that friend that you've wasted too many evenings with in your lifetime, except for perhaps the last five, ten, fifteen or twenty years you've been apart from one another. Sort of the alchemy of two evils.

The cherry on top that reminds you of whyit is exactly that you don't continue to spend time with one another on a regular basis-aside from distance- is probably when the term, "Shitass" gets thrown in there with the ez-whip. That term alone lets you know that you've had more to drink and perhaps smoke, and dare I say it, snort up your nostrills than is ever necessary, and "Shitass", while poetic and invoking incontinence and a weird amalgam on a weird ass in a picture in your mind tells you to hang it up for awhile after tonight. And to not see that friend again for a period ranging from 1 to 20 more years...

Okay, truthfully, after you're hearing shitass, you're not giving anything that much thought anymore, but the next day you might think about that word when you're driving by a church and see one of their crazy little marquees out front that say, "Free Tickets to Heaven".

Finland Tops Competitiveness Index--Again

Former Fema Head, Pinches Heads

Brown told a special congressional panel that Louisiana Gov. Kathleen Blanco and New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin were not coordinating their efforts and that he should have pinched their heads more to persuade them to.

He suggested that the Federal Emergency Management Agency had gotten a bum rap record because Puff Daddy did not help produce their album due to sheduling conflicts.

"FEMA is a coordinating agency, we are not a law enforcement agency," he said, "I pinch your head... then I grab my glasses".

Democrats, who want their own public lynching, not under the control of majority Republicans, largely boycotted the hearing.

Let's Be Cowboys or Amish

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 21:19:44:09/26/2005) One way to cure some of our ills as a nation might be to revert to horseback and horsedrawn means of travel. We can pave a lane of the road in grass for those who want to let her rip. "Life in the grass-lane". How poetic. Don't worry about drinking and driving. The horse will get you there!

Living a 1/2 hour from work in a car might be a problem, but how peaceful as you gallop on into town. There'd be a lot less cell phone conversations and crackberry staring.

Perhaps we'd revert to a more cordial and social culture. Much different from our introverted angry typers, loud from within our rolled up window little galaxy of our condos, mcmansions and escalades. No more measuring sticks in every little finery at the traffic lights. The caste system of America exists at the traffic lights right now. With horses we may get past that a little.

It is wrong to loot, but...

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 23:19:45:09/23/2005) Somebody caught this guy on film just right. And it only takes one picture to make a million more funny farks off of that picture. I've spent the last 10 or so minutes laughing my guts out at the link off of frotuss.com's "Crazy News" to all these pictures. I'll post a few:

wasn't that fun? now go look at the others. they are just wrong.

Strippers are back N'Orlens Teasing Cops and Firefighters; Ain't that nice

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 06:41:55:09/23/2005) The Strippers are back in New Orleans but instead of entertaining the usual, normal lonely losers their fixing up a more wholesome way of stealing money from idiots. They're stripping for cops and firefighters and military personnel.

According to the reuters story, they're not drunk either. But they could've been, but that would've made the story not so Aunt Jemima-y.

"Only a handful of restaurants and bars in the Quarter have reopened in recent days, serving food and drinks -- usually without charge -- to rescue workers and military who stream through the mostly empty streets. The Deja Vu waived its cover charge, drinks were selling for $3 and a private dance was available for just $1. (Finally, a strip club with a deal- how much was it to go into the champaign room?)

For Deja Vu manager Brent Ardeneaux, reopening was a public service.

"It's a disaster zone. You got a lot of people in from out of town that need entertaining," he said as he unloaded supplies from the back of a pick-up truck.

The club even drew several women looking for a respite from their duties patrolling the city, but they resisted entreaties to join the others on stage and left after a few minutes. (This doesn't sound so great to me: "Hey ladies, this is a strip club! Get up on stage and peel 'em off so we can try to get erections in our police uniforms!")

One of them, a soldier, said: "We were just looking for any place open. We've been working hard." Maybe he meant that he was looking for a way to entertain his hard-on.

They're Real Boys & Girls

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 22:31:26:09/21/2005) The Tyra Banks show ran a sonogram on Tyra's two most important subjects today to end the furious debate over their authenticity.... Such a nice girl.

In other news, my brother and I have a buddy who we'll call Joel G. for short who spoke to my brother by phone this morning and told him that "Little Vic" got kidnapped.

Little Vic, in this scenario, was his 1989 Crown Victoria automobile from the bar parking lot where he works in Akron, Ohio- Kevin O'Bryan's. Joel filed the proper police paperwork and the police told him the car would turn up in a few days.

Later on in the afternoon the police telephoned the despondent Joel to inform him that they had located his vehicle. The suspect in question was apprehended at the end of Joel's street (up the street from Kevin O'Bryan's) after a brief police chase as the crackhead chose to just stay in the neighborhood, probably because it was close to his hookup.

After the arrest and Lil' Vic's retreival the police asked him if he'd like to meet the perp and the guy jovially emerged and apologized for taking his ride and informed Joel of the bad news aside from the beef jerky wrappers, a crack-pipe and his wardrobe in the trunk; that Joel G's radiotor was busted but on the bright side he had fixed it with a jug of water and a nice sock to help plug things up (those crackheads are nothing if not creative).

Later on Joel G.'s neighbor came over and asked him if everything was alright because he saw the police chasing him earlier down the street.

I wonder what Tyra would think of a true story like that.

photos courtesy: reuters

She's So the Easy Girl From High School

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 00:09:53:09/21/2005) The smooth skin, yanked down mammary displayer, Hooter Girl demeanor and cheeky forehead face reminds many of that cool party girl from high school who liked getting drunk and having sex with anybody. That's Mariah the femme self-or almost self-styled American vocalist who has quite a following and wins quite a few awards for being popular and she has long hair, but I've never met anyone in the world who actually claims to listen or like any of her music.