Sheff's Stuff

Mitch Hedberg (1968-2005)

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 04/02/2005: 17:20:29)

Mitch Hedberg. Beloved by all Frotuss worshippers who liked comedy. As we enjoyed his comedic genious, persona.... intellect. It is a sad, damn bloody shame.

We do not discount the Pope's passing in any way but we are not ashamed to admit that this passing of a great entertainer is far more tragic as it seemed his career was beginning to really take form.

"Mitch. We Hardly knew ya."

In these times when the media generally takes people and chews them up and spits them out it was refreshing to have a voice coming through our dimly lit boxes and out in the wilderness on the comedic trail making teems of people laugh all at once or separately. It was nice to listen to what was really normal come out of his mouth truly giftwrapped in truly humorous subtlety.

We knew Mitch had to die because he was good and he was young and, well, only the good die young. At 37 years old Mitchell left us a legacy not so much embodied by his life of work but by his work of life. It is easy for those of us who enjoyed his outlook to hear him now and then in the way we look at things. Sometimes the simple things and sometimes not. Somehow the punchline would come before the joke. And that was really funny. Mitch Hedberg was no joke and his life was no laughing matter.

We've mourned for several days. Now it is time to watch your DVDs and listen to your CDs of him. Time to laugh and while those tears run down your face, tears of joyous laughter remember to be kind to others and remember Mitch.

Our newest member of FROTUSS! Posh has gone to POT?

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 03/29/2005: 20:30:05)

Posh, who has regained her svelte figure five weeks after having third son, Cruz, has asked caterers to provide all the calorie-laden goodies that go with an English tea party - scones, cream cakes and pot. Yes, it seems the former spice girl has discovered a new diet, one to rival that of the late, "Atkins", which is referred to as,"POT". No it is not an abbreviation for some drummed up set of words, it is the what all of us frotuss heads have been doing for the last several years, and the question remains, "is Pot such a bad thing?"

Scientists are still to question the newest fad to hit the diet arena, wondering "how in the hell" frotuss could produce such results? Considering the affects one may experince after smoking some fine northern lite. But we at frotuss say, "smoke up and down the pounds." So let us all welcome the newest member of the frotuss organization and also say thanks for proving that those of us who smoke pot are, "fucking hot bitches"!

Yogi Berra wins Economist's Wisest Fool Contest

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 03/28/2005: 19:51:10) Baseball Zen Master, or just a goof? Probably both. Frotification seemingly in progress.

Denis Papathanasiou of Hoboken, New Jersey, nominated Lawrence Peter “Yogi” Berra, baseball player for the New York Yankees, 1946-63:

Mr Berra hardly qualifies as an intellectual: he is famous for such remarks as “You don't look so hot yourself” (in response to a comment that he looked cool in his summer suit), “What? You mean right now?” (when asked for the time of day), and “I take a two-hour nap, from one o'clock to four.” On second glance, however, his utterances depict a certain honest Zen-like wisdom: “If you don't know where you're going, you'll wind up somewhere else,”“It was hard to have a conversation with anyone—there were so many people talking.” Those qualities have inspired a miniature popular cult of books and seminars. Not bad for a humble baseball player of modest education.

His malapropisms can lead one to be entertained for hours, or even minutes.

"It ain't over 'til it's over"
This quote is undoubtedly the most well known Yogi-ism. It is also one of the more coherent ones. He first said this about the 1973 National League pennant race.
"I want to thank you for making this day necessary"
This was said at Yogi Berra day in St Louis in 1947. It is supposed to be the first Yogi-ism. By his account, he asked a teammate to write a short speech, and he misspoke, replacing the word 'possible' with 'necessary'.
"It's like déjà vu all over again."

Many people think that Berra would have never said the word déjà vu, as it wasn't his kind of language. But Yogi himself insists that he said this in reference to home runs by Roger Maris and Mickey Mantle, who often hit homers.
"When you get to a fork in the road, take it"
Berra insists that this is part of some driving directions to his house. In his hometown of Montclair, New Jersey, there is a fork in the road and either way you take, you will get to his house. Some people find this to be a very poignant quote, thinking it means that when you find a challenge, overcome it.
"I didn't really say everything I said"
Yogi can't even escape creating a Yogi-ism in his disclaimer for not creating all of the Yogi-isms. He was pointing out that he didn't say everything that people think he said, which is very likely.
"Nobody goes there anymore because it's too crowded."
This one may have been invented by someone else. Yogi said it regarding a restaurant that had become very popular.
"We have a good time together, even when we're not together"
This quote was talking about his wife Carmen. Apparently it makes perfect sense to them, and it means that he likes to spend a little time away from her, but wants to be back together after it.
"Our similarities are different"
This quote was actually said by Dale Berra, Yogi's son. It's interesting to note how similar they are in their linguistic ability.
"I thought they said steak dinner, but then I found it was a state dinner..." "...It was hard to have a conversation with anyone; there were so many people talking". This was about a fancy dinner he attended at the White House.

Too Much Finger Food Will Cause Belly Ache

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 03/27/2005: 08:51:21) Sales have dropped sharply at Wendy's fast food restaurants in the area of northern California where a woman claimed she found part of a finger in a bowl of chili, but analysts say the company's long-term prognosis should not be affected.

That's great, but... they're taking finger food to a level that shouldn't be reached.

Perhaps yes and perhaps not. Is it possible that the victim of the finger in the food actually somehow got it off of a dead persona and planted it in the chili so that they could sue Wendy's for millions possibly? Very possible as people in general are up to everything both devious and good good. They're at it usually for the money. It's entirely possible that a person is going to try to sue so they can have a nice down payment for a little California split-level ranch-style home.

How lucky can you get, right? After you get over the immediate disgust, shock and horror of finding a finger in your little cup of chili that somebody had to ladle out and have observed directly (making approximately 6 bucks an hour) those dollar signs begin to flash before your eyes as you let your fingers walk to "attorney" in the phone book. In the United States of America it is our right to sue corporations, especially those which employ deceptive man-eating cows or pigs.

Matt Baun, a spokesman for the U.S. Department of Agriculture's Food Safety and Inspection Service, said it was doubtful a person working at a federal beef producer would have lost the finger in an accident.

Taken out and shot?

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 03/26/2005: 07:10:00) While Icelanders are sufficiently proud of their anti-semitist import from the US via Japan, Bobby Fischer- world famous chess champion, Bob is thrashing any ESPN reporter within earshot.

Normally Jeremy Schaap reminds us of his father with his dramatic pauses and overt over-alliteration. This usually causes frotifyers to look up from their bongs, pipes and other instruments of pleasure and remark at what a copycat of his father he usually is. This is fun. But after watching Bobby Fischer remark in Iceland to Jeremy Schaap's face that his father was a "typical Jewish snake" one becomes forced to feel immediately horrible for Jerm. Good for Schaap the younger, whose father is passed from evil cancer-we believe; Schaap the younger who looked the crazy-man Fischer in the eye and said, "I don't know that you've done much here today, really, to disprove anything he said" as Fischer scorned Schaap the younger for what his father had written about him long before after becoming friends with Fischer and taking him to New York Knick Basketball games.

Fischer is wanted in the US for tax-evasion on his winnings from chess tournaments and regularly chastises the "Jew run US" which is somewhat ironic considering Fischer is Jewish himself. He remains a crazy man and the only reason anybody ever listens to him is because he's been awful good at playing chess since he was a kid. If he were to sit around and frotify, perhaps he would take a pause from his pathetic wimperings regarding race/religious issues in conjunction with his viscious anti-American issues.

Doctor, Doctor gimme the script, I gotta bad case of Frotuss Blues

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 03/25/2005: 17:26:15) Excerpt from the above mentioned website:

How can I get a prescription for marijuana?

No doctor in the United States is legally allowed to provide a prescription for marijuana or any natural marijuana product.

In nine states there are now voter initiatives or legislative acts that permit patients with a written recommendation from a physician to possess and in some cases cultivate marijuana. The precise circumstances in which this is allowed vary, and you must check the law in your own state. Furthermore, the federal government has claimed the power to supersede the state laws and maintain prohibition. It is not yet clear to what extent the courts will enforce this view.

A synthetic version of the main active substance in cannabis, tetrahydrocannabinol, is available in the form of a pill under the name of dronabinol or Marinol. It is now in Schedule III and any licensed physician can prescribe this medicine.

What is a vaporizer and where can I get one?

Several patients have shown an interest in vaporizers as a way to administer medical marijuana.

A vaporizer is a device that allows the patient to separate the cannabinoids (the therapeutically effective chemicals in marijuana) from the plant material without burning. This is possible because cannabinoids vaporize (turn to a gaseous form that can be inhaled) at a temperature lower than that required for burning. As a result, the patient can inhale without taking in the burned plant material that constitutes the smoke. Some, including the authors of the recent IOM report on medical marijuana, regard this smoke as the main hazard of using marijuana. The vaporizer allows those who share this concern to make use of inhalation, with its rapid onset of action and ease of adjusting the dose. Vaporizers are also economical, because a smaller amount of marijuana is needed for symptom relief when it is taken by this route.

At this time, we can recommend only one vaporizer. Of the half dozen vaporizers we have had experience with, the Volcano system is the best. Unfortunately, it is expensive. We are trying to identify less expensive and equally good alternatives. As we succeed, these models will be posted here.

Volcano System - http://www.storz-bickel.com/en_home.htm

Inglorious Bastards: Tarantino's Next Flick (Ready the Frotuss)

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 03/23/2005: 22:09:59) Frotuss users everywhere are rejoicing as word is being spread as wide as Madonna heels about Tarantino's newest film "Inglorious Bastards" is ramping up for production featuring Michael Madsen and it going to get split at least into two sequels as the story is too large to tell.

Tarantino will not be doing a new release of Friday the 13th.

From Film Focus's Joe Utichi:

"Yeah, we were talking about Inglorious Bastards a couple of hours a go," Madsen told FilmFocus, "he's got an interesting idea of how to make it. I think he's going to cut it up into a couple of different parts, 'cos it's a big story to tell and he doesn't want to cram it all into one show. I don't know the whole story of how he's going to do it but eventually we'll get there, you know."

Madsen also told us the project was one very close to him, "I'm looking forward to doing it," he said, "my father's brother was killed in World War 2, my dad was in the Navy and my cousin Kenny was a helicopter pilot in Vietnam. I've always wanted to play a soldier and being able to do it was Quentin is obviously going to be a great time. A great experience, you know. I think his take on it is gonna be... different. It ain't gonna be the norm that's for sure."

Madsen's history with Tarantino has been a prosperous one. He counts his work on Reservoir Dogs and Kill Bill as some of the finest he's ever done. "You know," he explains of his rapport with Tarantino," I think the main thing is that I know what he's thinking, he knows what I'm thinking, we don't really need to gab on about it that much. I'll try stuff that sometimes he's not so sure about and sometimes he'll ask me to do stuff and I don't know what the hell he's talking about, but for some reason it always seems to click with us. It's nice when you find that with a director, you know. I think DeNiro had that with Scorsese. It's just an understanding, I can't describe it. If I knew what it was I think I might not be able to do it, so I just leave it up to him. I'm nowhere without a director.

The Markets Crash on Barry/Alan

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 03/22/2005: 21:39:33) Barry Bonds and Alan Greenspan tag teamed the financial markets and sports gossip hounds at the same time today as Bonds told them how low he felt and how he'd been beaten down by all the media had said about him and that he and his family were hurt and were feeling low-down and sad. This sentiment, coupled with Alan Greenspan's wordplay stoked selling in already beaten up stocks and the Barry Bonds news got mixed in with the farce that is interest rates sending the 10 year treasury note sharply up .4% in one afternoon and bond prices subsequently tumbling. The 30 year treasury moved down in price and up in yield as well. Not even a half percent separates the yields on 10 and 30 year government bonds. Apparently that extra 20 years of waiting for your principal to return has lenders shrugging their shoulders and willing to indulge borrowers for an extra 20 years for what amounts to a peck on the cheek.

This will change and the writing is getting engraved into the bathroom stall, but it took the Barry Bonds woe is me and my whole family to get the ball rolling along with Alan Greenspan playing scrabble with his paragraphs to get the world to wake up and realize that perhaps there is some inflation going on. When various sectors of the markets roll at inflated paces and without fundamental value Mr. Greenspan and Barry Bonds are forced to take their favorite elixirs away. For Alan it's cheap money and for Barry it's cheap muscle as he indicated he may be taking this baseball season off. Look above to get an idea of what Barry used to be.

Boca Brothel Busted???

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 03/21/2005: 22:12:24) Hello. How hot is this:

BOCA RATON - Boca Raton police broke up an alleged brothel operating on South Dixie Highway Monday, arresting several women and clients in a mid-morning raid, police said.

Operating under the names 'Dream Escape' and 'Sapphire,' the unassuming storefront in a strip mall was said to have been doing a flourishing business, nearby business owners and workers said.

One said the lot would often be filled with late model luxury cars. Another noted that a day after one of last summer's hurricanes, a generator rumbled outside with a pink extension cord providing power to the operation.

Police were conducting a news conference at 3 p.m. where more details of the bust were expected to be provided.

Hello...

According to Frotuss.com and others this kind of activity is plentiful down here in So Fla.

"Isn't it great?"

Well yeah. Hilarious. Especially the part about the cord hanging out of the garage and the business still running on all cylinders. That's life. People hanging by a thread. People wishing they had electricity. And then there are others getting their nasty groove on despite the fact that a natural disaster has just occured. Welcome to Florida. This is what people say is so cool about south florida. They say: "It's great." Why? "Because it's so close to America."

Never heard any thing more true.

If you live here and are thinking.... what?

Just wait.

You'll see.

Don't Fight

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 03/20/2005: 22:26:17) What sucks about fighting with other people is that they can have too much to drink or take it too seriously, rather, and that causes all sorts of problems. Take for instance this poor young man, John Andrew Williams, Jr who at 22 died early this past Saturday in Daytona Beach after getting into a fight with what has been reported as "at least two men" as was reported by Sgt. Al Tolley. He was stabbed to death.

In an unemotional and uncaring report on the Sun Sentinel's website they interviewed a woman on Spring Break from Ithaca college who said vaguely and seemingly in a "Valley Girl" sort of blah blah way, "We were worried about the weather, but now we have to worry about getting stabbed," like oh, what a buzzkill that would be.

Let us remember the tenets of Frotuss are namely to be Kind to Others. Getting all jacked up and getting into fights late at night, especially with people you don't know in far off lands is probably not a very good idea. You should probably remember that even if you're girlfriend of the night has found a new squeeze it is no cause to go spoiling your fabrics with your own type-whatever blood. Move on peacefully because you probably have no idea what even a wimpy looking guy has sitting underneath the seat of his car.

There are other bars. Other women. Other men, also, if that's how you flow, but in the immortal words of Finley Quaye who was covering the immortal words of Bob Marley while singing the song "Sunday is Shining" as a redress of "Sun is shining"..... "Don't Fight".

For Your Review and Convenience:

Written by F. Quaye and B. Marley
Sun is shining
The weather is sweet yeah
Makes you wanna move your dancing feet
To the rescue
Here I am
I want you to know y'all
Here I stand
As the morning gathers a rainbow
I want you to know y'all
That I'm a rainbow with you
'Cause I'm a hero
Like Robert de Niro
I know an Ital Rasta man
Got to keep I heights
Protection until time
The sun is shining
For you and there's nothing else to do
War is explosive
You got to demonstrate
Don't fight
'Cause the sun is shining
For you
There's nothing else to do
As the morning gathers a rainbow
I want you to know now
That I'm a rainbow with you
Woh yeah test the eye
Tes' the eye....
Fear no evil
Channel like a lion
Channel like a lion
Some say - yeah
Money in my....
One on one
Money in my pocket
But I just can't get your love
Some say - yeah
And the sun is shining
Don't fight
And you got soul
And you're chopping it up aero
For you....
There's nothing else to do
Sun is shining
The weather is sweet
Makes you wanna move
Your dancing feet
To the rescue
Here I am
I want you to know y'all
Here I stand
As the morning gathers a rainbow
I want you to know
That I'm a rainbow with you
As the morning gathers a rainbow
I'm rougher than rough
Rougher than rough
'Cause I'm a rainbow with you
Tougher than tough
Tougher than tough
Channel like a lion - yeah
This is some fashion - yeah
Channel like a lion

I know what it's like to be dead...

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 03/17/2005: 21:00:25) St. Patrick Had this guy, Neil Young, in mind when he dodged the devil with his clever wit. There should be little doubt since his lyrics were touched by nothing other than divinity... We are all, as human beings at least, blessed to be touched by the almighty and in this instance we have all been touched in one instance or another by the inadvertant Neil Young who is just a man.... Lyrics to one of our favs... which reminds us of the town of Ravenna (not the Italian version)...

"Everybody Knows This Is Nowhere"

I think I'd like to go
back home
And take it easy
There's a woman that
I'd like to get to know
Living there

Everybody seems to wonder
What it's like down here
I gotta get away
from this day-to-day
running around,
Everybody knows
this is nowhere.

Everybody, everybody knows
Everybody knows.

Every time I think about
back home
It's cool and breezy
I wish that I could be there
right now
Just passing time.

Everybody seems to wonder
What it's like down here
I gotta get away
from this day-to-day
running around,
Everybody knows
this is nowhere.

Everybody, everybody knows
Everybody knows.

Getting Away With Murder?

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 03/16/2005: 22:00:39) Happy St. Patrick's, and who doesn't look more guilty than this guy, Robert Blake, who, according to our study in pictures above is also a study in the press's penchant for contradiction. Before the trial all we saw was this collage in the middle of sweet little Bobby boy who could've never had murdered such an obvious tramp, psycho woman and that was the angle. Now, after the case, he's gray and just about the most deviant looking villain since Ricardo Maltaban and his breast implants played Khan (see below).

We don't need the hours of tireless rambling on CourtTV and CNN. We just need a couple of pictures to tell us what they're trying to convey. Even if they're trying to convince us that there's merely doubt, reasonable or not, this frail man is being transfixed across the globe as some sinister mad man gleeful with getting away with it and smoking and shitting on life.... Ha Ha Ha. He will drink green beer as a free man and dump brain eating centipedes in through the ears of our heros' stooges.

Not Above the Law

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 03/15/2005: 22:05:27) Just east of West Virgina, between God's Country and Gulf of Europe otherwise known as The Atlantic Ocean is the State of Virginia. It's a beautiful state with beautiful people which may have been why a police chief was ordered held without bail Monday on charges of driving drunk twice in one day.

Middletown Police Chief Roger Ashley has been held in jail since his arrest Saturday. An April 11th trial was scheduled after a court appearance Monday.

The first arrest came while he was driving an unmarked car and the second time occured five hours later while he was in his personal vehicle in Strasburg, Virginia. Officers responded to the first arrest after the police chief ran into a vehicle on Route 11 in northern Virginia.

His current status as Chief is in question.

The real question is if the Chief can't drink and drive then who can? Guess you can't wreck into people no matter if you're Andy Griffin or not.

I guess that's why they call him Rod...

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 03/14/2005: 22:05:00) He's anout as relevant as the scores he sings for his cheap car commercials but one way to know that all is still somehow right with the world we look to Mr. Stewart, known as Rod to his friends because, afterall, it's not just a name it's an attitude. If Howard Stern hadn't already used the name "Divine Rod" for Mark Hamel's character it would be appopriate in this scenario as Rod has announced his engagement to "longtime girlfriend" Penny Lancaster.

He was quoted as having said: "I left it this long because I wanted to get it right this time.I've never been happier and more in love than I am today."

What?

In the immortal words of Jenna Jamison, come again?

The world thought he was still married to Rachel Hunter and had long forgotten the smokey voiced big hair man but he has decided to delight us by marrying someone much younger than him that is also a lingerie model. How long till he gets tired of this one?

She must be young because the story goes on, aside from getting proposed to where surely no on has been proposed to before, atop the Eiffel Tower: "He asked her father's permission first and, having been satisfied his intentions were honorable and his prospects were reasonable, he gave consent."

AL QAEDA: If it's American... We Might Blow it Up

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 03/13/2005: 21:53:30) As if you weren't scared to just walk outside Frotuss.com has learned that the mild mannered looking psychotic Zarqawi pictured above is now threatening to blow up so-called soft targets such as schools, movie theatres, shopping malls, restaurants- basically, just about everywhere the average American likes to spend their money and time outside of the home.

From the looks of this picture you are going to be safe taking a cab for reasons that seem too obvious to explain.

Nevermind that the US Government and its entities cannot locate or catch these individuals, they seem to be quite adept at intercepting their messages Bin Laden to Zarqawi, etc, so we should just go along with it. This counters reports of leaked intelligence claiming that there are no sleeper cells in the United States according to the FBI and CIA.

With this news we should remain sufficiently confused enough to continue having bad dreams about North Korean ninjas dropping from helicoptors through the skylights at our local malls and having a shootout while hiding with out loved one's near the restrooms at the food court.

Thus Spoke The Green Pope

(No not the Frotuss Kind)

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 03/10/2005: 21:18:35) Greenspan speaks obvious truths at any event, his great-grand nephew's Barmitzvah, wherever and and then it is so. In the most recent scenario putting pens to paper around the globe from Shanghai to Donkeyfuck and back again. Today he stated that our government overspends and that is what he finds to be most worrisome.

That's what we get when we let a banker tell how to live: "Our fiscal prospects are, in my judgment, a significant obstacle to long-term stability," Greenspan said.

Nobody is writing this obvious trueism and adding their twos but Mr. Greenspan controls what the government gets charged for borrowing.

"Hey bloated rates?" "Yeah, useless overhead?"

In this case he's reminding "Useless Overhead" otherwise known as our porky congressional leaders to pay attentention because their credit card bills are going up and he's the one doing the jacking.

Meanwhile the AP Economics writer stated: "The Fed chief did not discuss the future of U.S. interest rates."

Amazing how he's such a wizard and so mesmerizing that no one even pays attention to what's actually coming out of his mouth. If he was so concerned about 10% of the population retiring in the next 25 years why doesn't he lead the charge into retirement and set an example for a couple other guys listed below.

Al Greenspan: Born - New York City March 6, 1926...
Pope John Paul II: Karol Józef Wojtyła , known as John Paul II since his October 1978 election to the papacy, was born in Wadowice, a small city 50 kilometres from Cracow, on May 18, 1920.
Joe Paterno: Joseph Vincent Paterno (born December 21 , 1926 in Brooklyn, New York ).

Introducing the New Delta Burke

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 03/09/2005: 22:21:35) In what many view as a sure sign of the impending apocolypse Kirstie Alley is forcing her way back into the public eye through pledges to diet that are sure to backfire on Weight Watchers as she acts like she's hungry enough the chew the leg off off of a three-legged camel.

It's unfortunate that we're going to forget that at one time she was something like a sex-symbol when Ted Danson courted her as Sam Malone coming onto Rebecca in the good old eighties hit drinking show called Cheers. No. The eighties are to us today what the sixties were to our parents back in 1965 and Kirstie is no Cher who in a recent poll 100% of straight men answered anonymously that they'd definitly try an sort of sexual fantasy Cher "has in mind" as "anal" and "oral" sex finished in the respective top two quintiles.

Kirstie Alley, as flattering as she looks in this pictured nabbed from an Australian newsource downunda, looks so horrible that one is driven to the point of sadness watching her whisper loudly "fettuccini" like a wild female walrus hunting for snail's egg's on a northwest promontory. Garguantuan. Scary. Funny. The commercials are absolutely riveting.

Dad did it, and look at how fucked up he is! Better just not tell them.

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 03/08/2005: 11:46:52) SOURCE: CHRISTIAN SCIENCE MONITOR:

New York -- Paul Turgeon, a corporate engineer and father, is a child of the Age of Aquarius - the 1960s and '70s when it was cool in many circles to get high, trip on mescaline, and experiment with hallucinatory mushrooms.

In that, he is very much a member of his generation. But he is also an exception: He readily admits to his two teenagers that he tried drugs - indeed "just about everything under the sun" - at their age.

"I'm of the belief that if they can gain from my experience, all the better," he says. "But I also put that in context. I have had to make it very clear that a lot of the things that I did were viewed very differently then from the way they are today."

Today's parents are more likely to have used drugs in adolescence than any other generation. Yet, unlike Mr. Turgeon, they're proving more reluctant to talk about it to their children.

A new survey by the Partnership for a Drug Free America has found that 12 percent of today's parents have never talked to their kids about drugs and the risks they pose. That's twice as many as just six years ago. At the same time, parents are significantly underestimating their kids' use of and exposure to drugs in schools and communities.

This phenomenon is raising alarms in the drug-prevention community, primarily because statistics show that kids whose parents talk with them regularly about drugs are 50 percent less likely to use them ***(Frotuss Observation: Unless you're parents are badgering you to hook them up, in which case this "talking about drugs business can have a reverse effect). But it's also because this generation of children is facing a new drug-abuse landscape, where once-hip drugs like marijuana are being complemented by a variety of pharmaceuticals - from cough suppressants to painkillers - many of which can be easily found in their parents' medicine cabinets.

"Today's parents see less risk in drug use, and they admit there's significantly less communication going on with their own teens," says Tom Hedrick of the Partnership, a nonprofit antidrug group. "Along with the changing drug threats ... that parents are simply unaware of, we have a very dangerous situation developing."

Mr. Hedrick ***(Frotuss Observation: Didn't Hedrick always have some killer frotuss?) calls this group of parents "a very tough audience" because, like Turgeon, they came of age when drug use was at its peak and many used drugs to no apparent ill effect into adulthood.

Thus, they have a lowered perception of risk. For instance, in 1998, 35 percent of parents surveyed saw slight or no risk in their children trying marijuana once or twice. By 2004, that number had jumped to 43 percent. Similarly, six years ago, 7 percent of parents saw slight or no risk in their children trying cocaine once or twice. That's now jumped to 12 percent.

At the same time, most parents are like Valerie Flynn from Fairfield, Conn., who believes it's important to talk with her children about drug use. And most do, like Ms. Flynn, but sometimes without the in-depth, consistent conversations researchers believe can be an effective deterrent.

"I talk to them, but I feel like they know everything. They know more than me," she says. "And I assume they won't do anything. I trust them that they won't go near it."

Ms. Flynn's 14-year old daughter, Audrey, says she has learned a lot about the dangers of drug use at school and has no desire to use them. "I've seen so many movies and clips - all these weird and disgusting things. I don't even want to try them," she says.

Teen drug use has gone down over the past three years. At the same time, a gulf exists between what parents think their kids are exposed to and the reality of what gets passed around the schoolyard. For instance, only 20 percent of parents think their children have friends who smoke pot, but more than 60 percent of kids say their friends use the drug. And while only 18 percent of parents think their own teens have tried marijuana, 39 percent of teens admit to researchers that they have done so.

Turgeon believes one reason parents are reluctant to talk openly about drug use and their own experiences is that the culture has changed so drastically. When he was in college at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology in Cambridge, Mass., drug use was an "entree into an opportunity to meet interesting new people. Now it's just the opposite." It's shifted from morally acceptable to morally wrong, he says, and that helps explain why parents are hesitant to be honest with their own kids.

"They don't talk to their kids in part because they don't want them to know they did anything wrong," he says. "So there's now a moral pall around drug use that stifles discussion, and I don't think it's a good thing whenever society stifles open discussion."

Researchers say the lower perceptions of risk evident in this generation of drug-savvy parents also explain why parents are less willing to talk with their kids. Many of them got high, some regularly, and they're doing just fine. They assume their children will follow the same path.

But experts say that may also be misleading. New research shows that adolescents' brains develop more slowly than once thought. While 18 has become the accepted age of consent for a variety of adult activities, a new study by the Treatment Research Institute (TRI) in Philadelphia has found that full development of certain mental processes - notably judgment - doesn't take place until about 24 ***(Frotuss Obeservation: Isn't this true, especially for men). To some, this accounts in part for teenagers' risk-taking and seeming sense of invincibility. "This is a call for parents to take more action to substitute their own judgment for their teens'," says the TRI's Thomas McLellan.

To help parents bridge the gaps between their perceptions of drug use and their children's, the Partnership is launching a nationwide campaign to "pierce parental denial" about teen drug use. They believe their most effective tools are parents like Janet Pfaff, whose daughter Kristen died of an accidental heroin overdose in 1994.

Kristen was the bass guitarist in Courtney Love's rock band. When she looked tired and thin on tour, Kristen told her mother it was just the demanding schedule. "I believed it because I wanted to. I was in denial," says Ms. Pfaff, who now travels around the country telling other parents about her experience and urging them to get more involved with their children.

"Kristen's friends told me she was a recreational drug user," she says. "When I hear that, I tell kids and parents there is no such thing."

Source: Christian Science Monitor (US)
Author: Alexandra Marks, Staff Writer of The Christian Science Monitor
Published: March 07, 2005 Edition
Copyright: 2005 The Christian Science Publishing Society
Contact: oped@csps.com
Website: http://www.csmonitor.com/

Not so Limp afterall

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 03/06/2005: 09:36:53) You're not a star until you've got a sex tape floating around and apparently Fred Durst feels he should sue somebody about it. He's filed an $80 million dollar lawsuit against websites that have posted it.

Immediate Frotuss analysis indicates that this is the latest celebrity scam. First you have sex on tape. Second, you let the tape slip out of your premises. Third, you make sure it gets circulated. Fourth, you sue for lots of money so that you can continue into the bizarre and eccentric unknown like Michael Jackson. It's the equivalent of the average person who sues all the time figuring out that they can sue McDonald's over spilled coffee.

Mr. Durst says that he recorded the video around 2003 with the consent of his partner with no intention of anybody else ever seeing it. Freddy says that the Secret Service (A Department of the US Treasury: These are our tax dollars hard at work!) is investigating this case in connjunction with the investigation of Paris Hilton's Cell Phone hack-job as two distinctly correlated events that were performed by the same party.

He didn't want anybody else to see it. He just wanted to keep it in a semi-public place like on his computer for direct referencing and a cease and desist order is simply not enough. Frederick, who has made a career out of resembling someone from the trailer park, is going to make an example out of whomever has distributed his actionable intercourse because it is obviously, so tasteless and insensitive.

Wilkommen Martha!!!

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 03/03/2005: 21:47:23) She's Baa-aack. Beginning March 4th, 2005 Martha Stewart (MSO: NYSE) will be on house arrest for several months with privelages for being able to work 48 hours a week. So. Basically she's free to go. Is she a criminal that's going to be physically hurting people? Why the probation? So she did a little insider trading. If she had a decent stockbroker she wouldn't have even sold the stock but ins I'tead insured her portfolio by buying puts on IMCL instead and nobody would've been the wiser, but frotifyers don't care about making money so... Here she is with her entertaining story.

Some Glimpses of Martha's New Person:

1. She'll be a lot more tolerant to drug abusers: as alcoholics, methamphetamine users etc have really gotten under her skin with their mandatory minimum stories. The Wall Street Journal reported that she actually couldn't stop slamming her banana on a picnic table and one of her new friends said: "Martha... stop! You're bruising your banana!"

It was one of her friends that was convicted for embezzling or accounting fraud. We're not sure which.

2. She'll employ a whole team of female thugs: plan on not paying accounts receivable at Martha Stewart Omnimedia? Plan again because her new crew is going to bust 'yo ass.

3. More to come...

Billy G...

A Knight in Shiny Windows

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 03/03/2005: 00:21:43) It's about time that the Richest Man on the Planet became a Knight.

The Queen, in this Spring's fashionable use of turquoise, said "all the kids do (use computers) and they are very useful... but typing is not as natural for her as it is for the young people," which is probably of no use to her since all she does is play bridge with retirees from around the globe- which gave her the idea to go ahead and Knight the man who brought Bridge into her life whenever and wherever she wanted.

Bill says that he was knighted for his contributions to business and charity. He and his wife, Melinda have a foundation worth $28billion that has committed $4.9billion to good causes.

Citizens in the United States are still waiting (in vain) and postulating during their oft morbid thoughts while frotifying if perhaps- along with are we just a molecule on a much larger creatures toenail perhaps- when Bill Gates is going to give each family in the US a million dollars so nobody ever has to really work that hard again.

IRAN: "WE'RE GOING TO BLOW UP THE EARTH"

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 03/01/2005: 21:03:05) Today in Vienna, Austria the United Nations nuclear watchdog listed several instances where Iran has blocked investigation of its nuclear development program or failed to provide information sought by the agency.

In a statement to its 35-member board the International Atomic Energy Agency, based in Vienna, did not provide any new disclosures about Iran's nuclear program, but indicated that their acronym IAEA is going to have to be changed to represent Ineffective Apothetic Energy Agency.

"Countless times, Iran has mislead us into believing that they were not interested in buying long-range missiles from Russia, but they have, and countless times they have said that they are not developing nuclear weapon systems. While we believe them and we'd like to believe them they've also threatened the United States with phrases such as "The Great Satan will die a very hot death" if they attack us which lead us to believe that they have not been very forthcoming with us," director general Mohamed ElBaradei stated.

The statement issued Tuesday summarized a disclosure reported in the American news media over the weekend that as long ago as 1987, the now disgraced nuclear weapons chief A.Q. Khan had offered Iran what the agency called "drawings, specifications, and calculations for a 'complete plant,' and materials for 2,000 centrifuge machines."

This is just another fine example of a Iran insisting that once it has nuclear capabilities that everyone else better just back the fuck off because they're going to blow everybody up if anyobody tries to mess with them. Alas, the cold war lingers on.

"The production line would have stopped, there would have been immediate need for medical attention and the meat products would be destroyed and not used for food," he said.

A Louisville, Ky., lawyer who has handled similar cases said he doesn't expect Wendy's image to take much of a hit.

Bo Bolus, who has represented plaintiffs over foreign objects found in McDonald's food and defended insurance companies against those claims, said consumers tend to realize that incidents like the one at Wendy's are accidents.

"I haven't found any big institutional problems in the fast-food chains," Bolus said. "I still go to McDonald's with my four boys."

Can you say... cadaver's finger?

And don't go to cadaver.org unless you want to be really grossed out as it is a piece of rotten.com and they are awful.