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China Banning Fortune Telling (Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 20:17:51 01/31/2004) In a twist of irony the land that brought us the fortune cookie is banning telephone fortune telling. Needless to say, they should've seen it coming. China has targeted fortune-telling as its next target in a crackdown on illegal telephone content after going after phone sex.
"Any advertisements that harm young minds or violate regulations will be banned immediately," Xinhua quoted the administration as saying in a statement.
Interest in China's traditional fortune-telling arts spikes every year around the start of the Lunar New Year. The Year of the Rooster begins on Feb. 9.
The Communist Party tried to eradicate the traditional arts of geomancy and prognostication after coming to power in 1949 but devotees have kept live what the government has branded "pseudo-science."
Roadside vendors sell calendars charting weekly fortunes priced under $1 at intersections around Beijing. Many people, especially in southeast China, seek geomancy masters' guidance on financial, career and personal matters.
The phone fortunes ban comes on the heels of China's sharp crackdown on pornography in 2004, in which the government ordered severe punishment of phone sex operators and shut down hundreds of Web sites.
Being a lazy-ass can be N E A TWeight Loss As Simple As Fidgeting, Masturbating and Sex (Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 16:27:09 01/30/2004) Researchers may have found the reason some couch potatoes tend to be thin while others tend to be fat and the reason is simple, involuntary activity. Mayo Clinic researchers recruited 10 lean and 10 mildly obese self-proclaimed couch potatoes to wear specially designed underwear that monitored and recorded their every movement over a period of 10 days. The researchers found the obese volunteers tended to be less active than their lean counterparts. Lead researcher, Dr. Jim Levine, a professor of medicine at the Mayo Clinic indicated some people
may be biologically designed to be inactive. The team found the overweight couch potatoes were 150 minutes less active per day compared with lean couch potatoes. The difference resulted in the lean group burning 350 calories more per day than those in the obese group. The team found the lean group fidgeted more, walked to work, and basically twiddled their thumbs. Levine describes it as "NEAT," which stands for non-exercise activity thermogenesis, in which calories are burned off by normal daily activities. "Anything except actual exercise," says Levine. "Right now we just don't know the underlying mechanism, but it does seem to be biologically driven," Forbes quoted Levine as saying. The Mayo Clinic study appears in the journal Science. Alcoholics, Get along with-Us (Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 22:58:09 01/28/2004) The opposition front has finally emerged. The group known as "Alcoholics Get Along With Us (AGAWU)" has finally emerged from the ashes of AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) and is here to stay. Party chairman Russ Galic said the he is aware of the insurmountable task of overcoming AA's huge sway but thinks that he can gain more members through high multiple websites like frotuss.com and bustedtees.com because that is where the "real spenders" on the internet choose to hang out. They like to be entertained and they could care less about education because they already think that they know everything. "AGAWU is a fundamental tenet of human philosophy that says, "While we Live, Let us Live" and that nothing can stop us from listening to Led Zeppelin or Pink Floyd or The Grateful Dead or even Janes Addiction," Galic said. "That kind of music may be thought of as decadent or disturbing but the truth is alcohol, in responsible doses, awakens the soul and has been used for centuries upon centuries to stir the soul and awaken the spirit so that the human race can breed, smoke and sacrilege!!" Toward the end of Galic's interview he began to drool but this reporter from the Sun Sentinel got his meaning and is going to subscribe to those thoughts. ~Russ Winfield Grandma I'd like to... (Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 20:34:48 01/28/2004) Get with the program, America. MILFs are so over. They were left behind in the 90's with the original American Pie movie, dial-up Internet, and Family Matters. The new millennium brings with it women of age, wisdom, and sexual experience. Everyone raise an ice cold frosty brew to those silver foxes with silver boxes. Have you seen your virus maker? Jeffrey Lee Parson,
19, of Hopkins, Minnesota, will serve his time at a low-security prison
and must perform 10 months of community service. He had faced up to 10
years in prison, but the judge took pity on the teen, saying his
neglectful parents were to blame for the psychological troubles that
led to his actions. Frotuss Insight: Upon his release: He'll be scheduled to go on a lecture tour discussing the lamentable safety concerns of the internet. He and Bill Gates will become so close that their on each other's IM (instant messaging) buddy list. He'll be on Steve Jobs's "brainstorm team." Oprah will cause him to tear up and the audience will all receive virus-proof computers and she'll give him a hug. He'll lose 81 lbs on the Pizza Hut Diet of low-carb, low-cal, low-fat pizza. With his svelte good looks he'll be spotted on the red carpet on the arm of Ashley Olson. Legalize it (Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 10:15:00 01/26/2004) PENSACOLA -- The co-owner of a real estate school, who also once served on the Florida Real Estate Commission, received a 3½-year state prison sentence Wednesday for his role in the Operation Sandshaker cocaine ring. David Collins' lawyer later called it a ``great, great injustice'' and said that prosecutors have treated Sandshaker defendants, many of them prominent citizens and most with clean records until arrested in the cocaine case, more harshly than career criminals. (Frotuss Insight: SON OF A BITCH!! This is Florida. Coke is like the 2nd or 3rd food group!!) Collins, 52, of Pensacola faced a minimum mandatory sentence of three years each for trafficking in cocaine and conspiring to traffic. He is among 53 mostly middle-aged and middle class defendants charged with offenses ranging from drug possession to trafficking. The multi-agency investigation was named for the Sandshaker Lounge & Package Store at Pensacola Beach, where some of the illegal activity took place. Defense lawyer Drew Pinkerton said Collins, co-owner of Collins-Kiefer Seminars in suburban Gulf Breeze, will appeal but probably serve about 18 months even if he wins because Florida's drug trafficking law prohibits appeal bonds. ``It's the most draconian law in the world,'' said Pinkerton, who insisted his client was a recreational user, not a trafficker. ``This guy goes to prison for 42 months and half the burglars and robbers are walking around the street out there on probation.'' (Frotuss Insight: This is Florida! Hey, Coke like grows wild and you should walk around with a shovel just to keep it off your shoes! Son of a Bitch!) Pinkerton said Collins probably would have gone into pretrial diversion because he had no prior arrests if he had done the same thing unrelated to the Sandshaker case. Assistant State Attorney Greg Marcille disagreed, saying the law bars pretrial diversion for trafficking cases. The appeal also will challenge the sufficiency of the state's evidence and the way prosecutors added up small amounts of cocaine possessed at various times to reach a total of at least 28 grams. (Frotuss Insight: 28 grams??? That's an ounce!) Florida law makes possession of that amount trafficking even if not sold or distributed. Pinkerton said lawmakers never intended to turn small-time users into traffickers by totaling the cocaine they consumed over months or years. (Frotuss insight: How the hell do the cops know how much you've used over months or years... unless they sold it to you!) Sandshaker judges so far have agreed with prosecutors, and Marcille said they are confident the totaling will be upheld on appeal. One of the most prominent Sandshaker defendants, Charles Switzer, also had been scheduled for sentencing Wednesday, but that was postponed until March 23. Switzer is a retired billboard company executive and once served on the board of the Pensacola Junior College Foundation. He, too, is facing a three-year minimum mandatory sentence. Twelve Sandshaker (Frotuss Insight: The more you read this article the more you wish you had a salt shaker full of cocaine) defendants have pleaded guilty to federal charges and received sentences ranging from probation to more than 17 years in prison. The other 41 defendants were charged in state court. Of those, six were convicted and three are awaiting trial. The rest pleaded no contest and most of them have received probation or jail terms of 30 or 60 days. The Sandshaker was forfeited to the federal government, which tried to sell it through an Internet auction. The high bidder, at $1.99 million, failed to close the deal, so it will go back on the auction block.  (Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 02:35:30 01/26/2004) Via Smoking Gun: Meet Silvia Johnson. The Colorado woman's desire to be a "cool mom" just landed her in cuffs, facing an assortment of felony and misdemeanor charges. According to the below Arvada Police Department affidavit, the 40-year-old Johnson entertained local high school boys at weekly sex, booze, and drug parties held in her home. Johnson, who is unemployed, told cops that she was "never popular with classmates in high school," and the house parties--which ran for a year--left her "feeling like one of the group." Along with providing teenagers with pot, methamphetamine, Jack Daniels, Bacardi Rum, and other booze, Johnson also allegedly engaged in sexual contact with several boys. Frotuss Insight: This woman is only 40? Talk about rode hard and put away wet! These little high school turd bastards must've gotten into trouble then finked just like they do to each other at that age. "I swear dad! That was Jimmy's 24 pack of Natural Light. I was just keeping it for him in the truck of the car! IT'S NOT MINE! Boo Hoo Hoo!" These bastards had "sexual contact" aka received blowjobs from this hag. In fact she "does not recall" if she gave fellatio while engaging in intercourse because she was "tipsy". Sorry Mrs. J, but that old sorority excuse is not going to work on us. It may work for your husband, but not the casual observer. Reading through the affadavit over on smokinggun.com is rather hilarious as these little wusses told every story that took place with old Mrs. J just to get themselves off the hook... "We were driving to California together and she said, 'How can you smoke that shit?'" Ha Ha Ha. Sports Report: Patriots vs Eagles, blah blah blah(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 22:48:00 01/24/2004) Wow! Or Not. In a match decided by the football pundits well before the season even took place the average sports fan is left wondering, "Well, what the fuck was the whole season for? They had this picked before the season began!" And that's right. Before the season even began everybody picked the Patriots and the Eagles to meet in the Superbowl (Superbowl 39... fuck those stupid pretentious Roman Numerals... remember when they used to have to write out 1987 in Roman Numerals on books and in movie credits. MM, as in 2000 certainly made that a hell of a lot easier). Big fuckin deal. And it better be a good game because if its an easy Patriot win we all want our money back. Okay. It's free, but all that bullshit food and alcohol you stock up on before the goddamn Sunday night game is going to cost you a fortune so don't forget the most fucked up holiday of the year: Valentine's Day comes roaring down the heels of the holiest of our American Holidays. As though the end of football season weren't already the beginning of the stretch of the lamest 8 months of your lives. At least there's still golf to keep us occupied... huuuhhh ho!! Fuck!!! Q. So who were the hot picks to upset the 2 perennial favorites this year? The Colts? The Seahawks? Nope. The Seahawks receivers suck ass. Without even looking at the stats I will guarantee you that the wide receivers for the Seattle Scumbags dropped more catchable balls than any other team in the history of football and rugby combined. Decent defense. Accurate Quarterback. Excellent running back. Shitty fucking receivers. The NFL Game hinges on getting the ball to receivers in the open field so they can make plays against the best athletes in the game who are cornerbacks. The Seahawks did surprisingly well considering they had to run from the Wing-T all year with 3 running backs lined up and 2 tight ends running play action 7 yard outs for successful passing plays Get fucking real. The Ravens defense is pretty good sometimes unless you run a short passing game on them and throw in some play action pass then you can score a couple times on them. This would be okay for the Ravens but their leading offensive weapon is the only player that's been with them since they were the Browns and that's kicker Matt Stover. Jamal Lewis is a great running back. Todd Heap is a great Tight End. Johnathan Ogden is an awesome 8 time left tackle who is completely dominant and a surefire Hall of Famer but the head coach turns his quarterbacks into soup sandwiches with that quirky little "I'm watching you" way he completely obsesses about the offense but he turns the passing game into such a high pressure situation with his bland and predictible brand of playcalling and lack of confidence in his quarterback- but then again... who gives a shit? Baltimore is a team that's getting worse. Not better. Surprise Team of the Year? The Chargers totally blew donkey dick last year but this year they were pretty good because they had an uncoverable tight end from the Kent State Basketball team. Their defense stepped up this year but all year this was a team that made plays on both sides of the ball and they were fun to watch. It was only once they reached the playoffs did the old Marty come out or go back into his little sissy-man nutshell that he would so conservatively put onto display as the coach of The Browns and The Chiefs and now that Marty's gotten his contract extended with a punch look for the Chiefs to go back to being the bitches of the AFC West because the Chiefs, Broncos and yes, you heard it here, the Raiders are all on the rise. The Chargers will be lucky to make wildcard next year because they're the fucking chargers asshole! The Psychedelic Diet Jean-Luc Josuat-Verges, 48, told French newspapers he had gone to the deserted caves at Madiran in the Pyrenees in December seeking isolation during a spell of depression which had left him considering suicide. While wandering through the cave network his flashlight stopped working, and he was unable to find his way out. His abandoned car was found 35 days later by three children who were not at school because their teachers were on strike. The children alerted police who rescued Josuat-Verges from the caves. French media said he had lost 40 pounds and was "weak." Having difficulty with your lighter? Here may be why (Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 19:30:20 01/24/2004) Rome: Excessive text messaging may be bad for you, or at least for your fingers. That's what some Italian doctors think. They are telling people, particularly the young, that furious typing on mobile phones could lead to acute tendonitis. Italian newspapers La Repubblica and Il Messaggero dedicated about half a page each to the problem Monday. A 13-year-old girl in the northern Italian city of Savona needed treatment from an orthopedic specialist after typing at least 100 short message services (SMSs) a day. She was prescribed anti-inflammatory medicine and ordered to rest her hands. According to a recent study conducted for children's rights group Telefono Azzurro, some 37 percent of Italian children are "cell phone addicts." Irritability and mood swings were other symptoms linked to very frequent cell phone use among the young. The message is clear: MayB U shd stop B4 its 2 L8. Goodnight Johnny (Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 14:40:58 01/23/2004) Johnny Carson died today at age 79. A favorite of frotifyers worldwide until 1992. Many bonghits were interrupted by his quick hilarity and goofball hits. Many laughing hisses of smoke as joints were passed around rooms as Johnny introduced America to new artists, politicians, actors, and comedians like Jerry Seinsfeld. Not making this one up Cleaning staff found him drunk and lying on the floor of the bar at the restaurant in the city of Brno, about 200km (120 miles) east of Prague, the CTK news agency reported on Thursday. "He had broken the door of the cooling mechanism ... and detached the hoses leading from the keg, squashed them in his mouth and literally filled himself up with beer," CTK quoted a police official as saying. The man will be charged with damaging property because he caused 8,000 crown ($340) damage to the beer cooling box. Snow is a Fucker (Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 19:59:56 01/22/2004) The flights are being canceled all across the northern US. There is potential for snow of up to 20 inches. People are snowed in and wind is howling at 50mph. Storm warnings from Wisconsin to New England. Blizzard warnings. One man died after falling through ice on a pond in Ohio, where two others died of apparent heart attacks while removing snow, authorities said. The cheeseburger effect. People are mobbing the supermarkets to get hunkered down. Frotuss advice: Stock up on beer, liquor, frotuss and people to have sex with... More to come..... What's up Fishface  (Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 19:39:56 01/19/2004) No. This is not a picture of The Donald (Trump) taking a bath. This is a picture of a fish that has a face like a fish. The fish is the result of artificial insemination between a carp and ayu sweetfish. Apparently, we have this evolution thing under control. There goes the ape theory. Sorry boys, it was fish all along. Feel free not to eat fish ever again because that fish on the end of your fork just might be your cousin. Say hello to merman. Now that we have the sea-man figured out we should move on to related questions of zoology: This fucking fish looks like a goddamn horse! Where's the fishman cowboy? Get a long little shrimpy! Trump has them all fooled (Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 23:34:33 01/19/2004) They toast him, they love him but why can't he get it up? Get his stock price up. On November 21st Trump Hotels & Casino Resorts Inc (DJTCQ) filed for bankruptcy. The stock trades currently at 1.90 per share with no earnings nor has it filed any of its required paperwork to be entitled to trade on anything other than the Pink Sheets or the Nasdaq OTC Bulletin Board. Trump hails the move as a success and asserts that the casinos account for les than 1% of his total net worth as he plans to restructure the debt. Good for Trump. Bad for shareholders. Too bad that 1.90 is probably overvalued and is carrying a Trump premium similar to his gaudy real estate properties. The company's shares have nearly quadrupled from 56 cents on Nov. 22 after the bankruptcy filing. Greedy shareholders should be keen to realize that if bondholders hold out they may end up with zero equity in a restructured settlement. The key statistic is thusly stated: Book Value Per Share (mrq):-2.873. You'd think that someone with an ego the size of Trump's would be able to show a profit in casinos. Instead, he's running TV shows, getting married and mooning his sickly hairdo all over television. Hope he signed the pre-nup. It's always a bad idea to do this in a picture... (Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 23:33:06 01/18/2004) Once you'be made this gesture, there is no longer anything proverbial about what the caption may say. This is Iraqi Minister of Interior Falah al-Naqib. Today we take pity on Falah because his culture probably has another gesture for "puny penis" or "this much for the first down" that our Americentric or at least western-centric brains couldn't quite off-handedly know. You can have so much fun with this. Today we asked Falah al-Naqib how how fat his joint was this morning in Iraq and we took a photo of him as he responded. Astounding. Falah is the fucking man. It's Lionel Richie Day! (Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 08:45:38 01/15/2004) Why not proclaim it Lionel Richie Day? It's been twenty-three or so years since the feel good hit "All Night Long" was forcefed down our throats by one of the original twenty or so cable channels, MTV, back when they were more like a popular radio station than the utter crap-marketing-brain disease spewing arm of the corporate monolithic turd arm of Viacom. Lionel doesn't look a day over 35. If you can't wait to relive the eighties then we suggest you find a way (winmx.com or something else) to get back in your groove with some Lionel Richie! Hey why not? As the remnants of last night's scotch binge clear's your breath there's nothing quite like a home-made black eye (double shot of espresso dumped into your coffee) some Pellegrino and some "Dancin' on the ceiling" to find your way back to that childlike insanity that pervaded the 80s. A time when all we had to worry about was the Soviet Union vaporizing us. We didn't know that Prince Charles was gay or that Princess Di was shtupping the butler. We had Lionel Richie and his pop magic anesthetizing us from our very souls. Your favorite family members were still alive and everything was just great. Remember Lionel Richie. "Simplicity," Lionel Richie explains, "is the key to what I do." We say "did" but that's alright. Booty-ful? (Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 08:20:00 01/15/2004) Is she a singer? Just what the hell is Serena Williams anyway? The bulging man-muscles she has coming out of everywhere all over aren't really that appealing unless you like men but the Aussies haven't stopped treating Serena, who has a face like a stop sign, like the next Kylie Minogue while she's "Down Unda" for THE Australian Open. Blackwell's jackass lists are so not right (Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 23:44:06 01/13/2004) Some guy named Blackwell was smart enough to be the biggest mouth to come out with a list of worst dressed celebrities which is actually an arbitrary game he plays where he picks on B-rated stars and puts them down in order of who he- who by the way looks like he's had five tons of plastic surgery himself- would least like to befriend. For instance, he doesn't really hate Paula Abdul but this ensemble is probably the worst of the bunch that he's selected. He doesn't pick on any of the real big stars or ones he'd like to meet. There's no Julia, no Sharon Stone, no chubby daughter of Ozzie whatever her name is, no Nicole Kidman, or Meg Ryan or Cher by he does pick on Meryl Streep in a nondescript dress and that's not really fair just because she happens to be a good actress that isn't Hollywood-type good looking. He rates Paula Abdul (above) number 8? And Nicolette Sheridan is the worst dressed (below)? It may be a bit tacky but most guys are going to have something very definite on their mind when they see this little number below while looking at Paula Abdul will just make them hungry for skittles (taste the rainbow). He included Courtney Love but she's a throw-away pick because she was good in one movie and destroyed the life (possibly) of one of my generation's most excellent musicians-and she looks awful all the time.
Jeff Millionaire  (Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 21:59:06 01/12/2004)PICK ME: WOMEN BRAWL OVER QB Mercury News  It hasn't been a great 12 months for Jeff Garcia. The drunken-driving charge, his release from the 49ers, a bad season (and a bad attitude) in Cleveland, and Terrell Owens' suggestion that he's gay. But maybe there's a bright spot. Maybe his life becomes a reality show. ``The Bachelor,'' anyone? Or maybe ``Temptation Island''? Garcia has spent two days in the hallway of a Cleveland courthouse, waiting to take the stand in his girlfriend's trial on charges of kicking his ex-girlfriend in the head at a nightclub last August. The court sessions, as recounted by the Cleveland Plain Dealer, could put fiction writers out of business: The girlfriend: Carmella DeCesare, 22, Playboy playmate of the year and an avowed martial-arts fan. The ex: Kristen Hine, 32, whom Garcia dated briefly last summer. The background: After Garcia traded Hine for The Bunny (and does anyone really blame him for that?), the trio traded nasty phone calls and voicemails. The setting: Tramp, a nightclub that bills itself as the place for ``Naughty Fun.'' The buildup: Hine's friend throws a drink at The Bunny. The climax: According to two of Hine's friends, The Bunny grabs a dance pole for support -- showing remarkable familiarity with that particular device -- and karate-kicks Hine in the head, causing what Hine says is neck pain that has gotten progressively worse. The argument: DeCesare's lawyer doesn't deny the kick. But he says Hine herself knows her way around a bar (if not a pole) and adds that she seeks out professional athletes. He also produces medical records that suggest she has suffered from a degenerative neck condition since a year before the attack. The outcome: We should know in a day or two. That's all good . . . but something's missing. And what would that be? Ah . . . The sponsor: Miller Lite (remember the catfight ad?). Or maybe Coors Light (``And Twins!''). The network: Fox, of course. Just no mooning. Arnold Making a Subliminal Case for Social Security Privitization (Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 20:59:20 01/11/2004) Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger
points to a chart that shows projected state spending at his news
conference Tuesday in Sacramento. The governator released his $111.7
billion state budget that will attempt to close an estimated $8.1
billion shortfall. The dark squigle simply had the number "500" stamped on it with a start at 1942. The governator kept running his finger from low to high on the chart over and over again. A witness observed: "It was really bizarre. It was like his arm was on a swivel or he was trying to get his exercise done during the meeting. Weird."
(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 19:47:20 01/10/2004) While it's difficult to take men named "Rupert" seriously his protege at arms, Ben Stevens, pictured to Rupert's right was quoted to have told Rupert "that's... nice... that's a nice scent Mr. Murdoch, almost like a Hawaiian pineapple breeze" as he was caught downwind from Rupert's driving force: Chronic Excessive Flatulence. Most people think that if their
digestive system is normal, they won't have any gas unless they eat a
particular food, like beans. The fact is that normal people on an
average diet expel nearly a quart of intestinal gas each day. Most of
us aren't aware of this. It's when we become aware of the gas that it
can become uncomfortable and embarrassing. Mr. Murdoch expels up to 18 times the normal person's amount. "It's what keeps him going," his right hand Ben Stevens was quoted as say. "What's most refreshing is that he doesn't mind talking about it. He does it as though he's proud. And he mixes different dietary supplements in order to control the odor. It's really quite amazing!"
Brendan Walsh, 27, nearly killed Noel Duff when he stabbed him seven times in a drunken rage because he mistakenly believed his friend had attacked his sister, Karen, whom Duff had started dating.
However, Walsh immediately became full of remorse, called an ambulance and Duff was rushed to a hospital where doctors said it was a miracle he had survived a stab wound to the heart.
Walsh, who was sentenced to three years in jail by London's Old Bailey after pleading guilty to wounding with intent, had been a close friend with Duff at school and had met up with him again via the Web site, later introducing him to his sister.
"The victim is no longer angry at you and the remarkable fact is that (he) even gave evidence on your behalf and said he would like to be friends with you again," Judge David Paget told Walsh, who was cleared of attempted murder.
"Even the victim later remarked 'I can't believe a stupid fight came to this'." Frotuss is actually scooping Drudge
(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 18:57:30 01/08/2004) On Today's A 65-year-old Wal-Mart greeter has been fired for greeting customers
with a computer-generated photograph of himself wearing nothing but a
Wal-Mart sack. Ha Ha. This really amuses frotussers because on 11/23/04 we made up a story in which this gentleman was being hazed. This was not the case. He was hazing the customers himself. As of today. Druge Report (click here) is stealing our made up stories (almost) and now they're real. Welcome to splitsville: Population You
(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 23:59:31 01/07/2004) Brad and Jennifer have called it quits. Whatever will the rest of us do? It
seems a foregone conclusion that both will date again thus following
that old adage that to get over someone relatively quickly what one
must do is to be laid. Surely they'll each find happiness once again
and now and again sadness when they think about who Hollywood's Hottest
Couple used to be. Welcome to splitsville: Population You
(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 23:59:31 01/07/2004) Brad and Jennifer have called it quits. Whatever will the rest of us do? It seems a foregone conclusion that both will date again thus following that old adage that to get over someone relatively quickly what one must do is to be laid. Surely they'll each find happiness once again and now and again sadness when they think about who Hollywood's Hottest Couple used to be. Frotussers worldwide are not at all surprised given the fact the "Ocean's Twelve" featuring none other than Brad Pitt is getting overshadewed by those damnable Fockers. It's a juvenile gasp for publicity but it will give the movie full of Hollywood Superhunks the boost necessary to combat a Hollywood Supernerd (Ben Stiller- who was a great "White Goodman") who appears to be getting the better of the latest movie sweepstakes. Bill Gates Has a computer crash, then a big crackup
(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 22:09:39 01/06/2004) During a presentation at the recent Las Vegas technology show focused on mobile technology Bill Gates had his own computer he was presenting with meltdown and crash in front of the audience. What seemed like an awkward moment as the audience all laughed derisively at him Gates displayed his multi-billion dollar sense of humor. The room had several hundred people who were mostly laughing and chortling but then Gates fired back. "I'll give each of you a million dollars to be quiet!" Within a second, the room was deathly silent as Gates promptly had his computer working again. Then he laughed and said, "Just kidding." The crowd roared. Healthcare: Dr. Death in Charge??
(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 23:54:19 01/05/2004) Apparently you are suffering from death! This person just passed through a faulty x-ray machine and came out completely toasted. Doctors involved claimed there was no justification for the machine's acting up and concluded that there was an error and that Abdel Azqa(left) had walked into the room where there was an x-ray being performed on the 3,300 year old King Tutankhamun.
According to police, Daniel Smith also told officers he wouldn't give them his license unless he was given a receipt. When the officers told him he would get his license back, he refused and demanded a receipt. The officers then called for a supervisor. After the officer arrived, he was added to the list of people being sued as Daniel continued to emphatically write down the officers' names. The officers had no balls and were completely confused by the demands of the seemingly savvy lawyer-type Missouri man who talked his way out of a ticket, wound up in the news and baffled the police with his bullshit. We Can Admit it... These Shirts are Funnier than Frotuss T's... What Color Tie are You Wearing? (Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 22:39:09 01/03/2004) In conjunction with the anticipation of yet another dull NOKIA Sugar Bowl (American Football; College) the most recent presidents and current president got together to do what presidents of the United States do best: Dress Well and Raise Money. At least this time it was for a great cause. One cannot help but wonder how their conversation went regarding 'tie colors". "Dubya. It's Bill. Look, I'm sorry about all the things I said during the campaign, but you know what campaigns are like. Listen... What's that?.... Oh, I think USC with the points....Yeah... No problem.... Hey. What color ties are you and the old man wearing?....We can't look like bobsy twins now.... And I'm wearin' a three-button suit just to be different... Okay. I'll wear my blue Armani... Late." |
