Sheff's Stuff...

You want her... She wants you... or Does She?

Me and Marley

Crazy Waiters Get You Wasted

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 18:38:59 12/28/2004) How much is too much? New Year's Eve is almost here so now that you're getting your frotuss lined up and your uppers and your downers and your all-arounders. Your reds, your whites, your blues, your greens. Your wines, liquors, beers and kids in order... what should/shouldn't you do once you've become totally wasted and are getting ready for National Hangover Day (January 1st). (I know we've already done this for Xmas parties, but lists are easy.)

Don't drive if you can help it
Don't argue with inanimate objects
Avoid hitting on people you shouldn't be hitting on
Unless you are gay, don't go referreing to you guys as "you gays"

That's about it really. Otherwise don't do anything Gunter wouldn't do.

The Royal Tenenbaums Go Out To Sea

Naked Germans Take Dip

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 09:56:32 12/26/2004) 30 Germans went swimming in a lake near Berlin for their annual Christmas Day dip.

Several complained that there was no ice on the lake like in years past. The group calls themselves the "Berlin Seals" and they train year round for the cold water 5-minute Christmas swim. The swim that they say helps them avoid ilnesses.

Since 1980 the swimmers, who are always outnumbered by (obviously bored- and probably perverted) media photographers, build their courage by drinking mulled wine and singing Christmas carols before submerging themselves.

Pope Prays for Peace: Legalize It

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 18:30:59 12/25/2004) The Frotuss solution is an obvious step in the direction of peace. The Pope cannot cover his eyes from this fact forever.

“Regardless of the model used, marijuana resolves conflict by de-emphasizing extreme aggressivenss and stroking the receptive side of human nature.” Joan Bello, Marijuana expert

SPIRITUAL BENEFITS

That which enlivens is understood as the SPIRIT. In these times of secular values, when the life force is not recognized as being an expression of the holy, when in fact, the notion of a plane of existence beyond the material is not acknowledged, the search for meaning nevertheless perseveres.

Today, in these darkest of times, hundreds of millions who pursue the journey inward to the universal core values, find that marijuana facilitates the search. As a religious sacrament, intuitively recognized by all for whom the sacred beckons, marijuana has been employed for thousands of years, crossing all geographical and ethnic barriers. Marijuana not only balances the body, and enhances our mental processes, it can also help (some of) us to perceive the abiding reality by raising our consciousness.

Pornographic Fun: "Meat the Fuckers"

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 10:22:29 12/24/2004) It's that time of year where you are forced into a confined space with relatives that you don't often spend that much time with willingly. That's okay. You can make it fun this year and discuss that dirty little thing everybody really loves: PORN.

No not DPs (double penetrations) and FFMs (Female, Female, Male scenes). Not any of your favorite scenarios that you daydream about all day long whether driving or pretending to work at your job. Rather, the literary side of pornographic film which is in itself a sarcastic study in culture and the affirmation of our association of silliness with sex- which is undoubtedly taken all too seriously.

The first fun game you can play with grandma and grandpa and cousin Sue is "What would your porn name be?" This is a fun one and always gets everybody roaring once the nog has begun its steady, milky flow or grandpa's scotch has been released from its foiled cap.

It's a very simple game. Everyone has to remember the name of their first pet and then the name of the first street they ever lived on. If you lived on a numbered street try to come up with a grandparent's or cousins street that is not a numbered street.

The pet's name becomes your first name and the street's name because your last name. Here's my example: My first pet was a cat named Sylvester and my first street was Summit. So there it is, my porn name: Sylvester Summit and it just so works out that it is a wonderfully apt porn name, kind of like my favorite comedic porn genius Evan Stone. This is silly fun.

The next game you can play is "rename current or recent movie titles to fantastic porn titles." The eighties brought some excellent features including Romancing the Bone and its sequel: Tool of the Nile. Frotuss will leave the titles up to you but one easy one was too irresistible to pass up: "Meat the Fuckers" which in itself is readymade for Pornogrification.

TSA to Ease on Fondling

Face of a Shaman

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 21:25:35 12/21/2004) She does her ritual only once each season, or when someone comes to her with an illness or some other problem. When that happens, a shaman cannot refuse. Tsend agrees to play her mouth harp, but says it is not the right phase of the moon to show the drum.

A shaman is a conduit to the spirit world (see OP-ED Insanity Section). Shamanism is among humanity’s oldest religions. Not everyone can become a shaman, and Tsend's story is typical. She was seven years old, when she became ill, falling to the ground with seizures. Her grandmother performed a shaman ceremony for her, dressing Tsend in her own costume. After that, Tsend developed the ability. Now her grandmother, Urel, is Tsend's most important spirit.

To go to the spirits, the shaman needs some kind of transportation. Tsend sometimes travels by playing the mouth harp, but that, she says, can take her only so far. The most powerful transportation is the drum. A drum is like a horse. It can take you anywhere.

Identity of Russian Oil Company Purchaser Still A Mystery: Frotuss Breaks identity question mark!!

On Sunday, BaikalFinansGroup offered a single bid at an auction for the fields, which were seized by the government from Yukos to cover unpaid back taxes that reached $28 billion. Baikal's purchase amounts to 76 percent of the Yukos unit.

News media could only speculate about the real owners of the group. A journalist at Echo Moskvy radio asked a government spokesman how he knew that the person behind the sale was not Osama bin Laden, if he had no information about the sale.

"I can assure you that he is not" the buyer, said the spokesman, before hanging up.

Yukos officials described the auction and its outcome as a joke.

"The auction was as farcical as the process being used by the Russians' false tax claims against Yukos," the company's chief executive, Steven M. Theede, said in a meeting with reporters in London. Theede and Yukos's chief financial officer, Bruce Misamore, fled Moscow last month fearing that they would be arrested. Yukos's founder and former chief executive, Mikhail Khodorkovsky, has been in prison since his arrest in October 2003. He faces charges of fraud and tax evasion.

"I believe Dr. Evil is the madman behind this insane purchase!" said Theede.

Somewhere over the Rainbow: Dorothy Is Oldest Fucking Mayor

Frotuss X-Mas Party Rules 2004

Do not:

• Hook up with someone's wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend
• Puke somewhere other than the bathroom/backyard
• Knock people over
• Fight
• Knock over ashtrays
• Burn someone with a cigarette
• Give someone LSD who didn't ask for it (literally)
• Run out of alcohol
• Overflow the toilet
• Get drunk and cry
  
• Kick people out of your party, saying things like "boy the door sure looks lonely without people walking through it"
• Piss on your drunk and passed out friends
  

• Problem: Some drunk clumsy person spills his drink on your carpet.
  • Solution: Kindly but forcefully make the inebriated bastard lick it up with his tongue.
• Problem: Somebody makes a joke about how your living room smells like piss and everybody either agrees with him or laughs with him.
  • Solution: Agree with him and giggle at his observation too... At least until you can get the cock-muncher alone and cut off his nose with a bagel knife so he won't have to smell the living room again.
• Problem: The main course gets burned, or the oven breaks, or one of your fat friends ate EVERYTHING when you weren't looking.
  • Solution: Kill the fat friend (he was never your real friend anyway), and order 6 pizzas from Pizza Hut. Have them delivered to your neighbor's house and then wait in your neighbor's bushes with a hockey mask on your face. When the delivery guy comes, jump him, beat him, leave him in a coma, and retreat to your place with food to feed an army. Actually, this tip is useful any time of the year whenever you're hungry.
• Problem: Somebody sits on, kicks, or accidentally shoots your dog while it begs for scraps at the table.
  • Solution: Kill the ass who killed your dog, then kill his dog, his family and anybody else who knew he existed.

The Old: "He Won't Do it Again" Logic

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 00:05:00 12/18/2004) Some call it OJ logic. Pop Diva Michael Jackson, faced with numerous accusations and legal challenges for which he's willing to pay top dollar to have dismissed invited 3 buses filled with children and parents following along in minivans to his ranch in the foothills above Santa Barbara according to Reuters photopgraphers who just happened to be on lookout duty for Jackson's suspicious activities.

One of Jackson's moutpieces claimed that Jackson regularly invites church groops to visit his theme-park style rides and miniature train and rides.

Apparently Jackson got tired of climbing trees by himself and parents figure that he's all done with his "lewd acts" and other alleged activities like letting little kids drink alcohol out of cleverly disguised soda cans- at least while grownups are around.

It's called "The OJ Rule" which states, "He won't do it again, even if he did do it on another occasion."

Jim Carrey Act Silly? NO WAY!!

Time and Money Well Spent?

Researchers Have Just Figured it Out: Work + Stress = Heart Attack

Amazing!

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 23:51:52 12/14/2004) Just 4 hours ago researchers came to an amazing realization. And this is world news.

Supposedly, working in a high-pressure environment on tight deadlines can cause a six-fold increase in the risk of having a heart attack (ouch). The research, published today, found that short-term intense pressures have a greater impact on the heart that prolonged periods of accumulated stress. (Frotuss recommends sex during the lunch hour to relieve tension and whatever other kinds of buildup.)

Work-related stress plays one of the greatest roles in impairing heart health.

Conflicts at work were identified as a contributing factor to heart attacks in men, while financial problems are most likely to put a strain on women's hearts.

For More Information on this Swedish Study Follow this link.

Bye, Bye Dimebag

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 23:45:55 12/13/2004) RIP Dimebag Darrell.

By now the news is a little more than five days old, having been posted across the Net since late last Wednesday. But just because the news is old doesn't make it any less potent, any less emotional, any less a major blow to not only the world of heavy metal music, but the vast sphere of the Frotifiers who love Dime Bags, as well. Dimebag Darrell (born Darrell Abbott) was shot and killed during a performance with his current rock outfit Damageplan on Wednesday December 8th, 2004 in Columbus, Ohio.

The nature of the event has stunned fans, members of the music community—both on the label side and fellow frotifiers—and has had such a vast impact that major news outlets have been devoting unheard of amounts of time to the tragedy, going so far as to call upon the likes of former President Bill Clinton to comment on the event. All of which serves to illustrate the magnetism that Dimebag exhibited and that he meant a lot not only to his fervent fans, but to the world of frotifiers at large.

According to reports, Nathan Gale, a Pantera-waste from Marysville, Ohio, ascended the stage Wednesday night at Alrosa Villa nightclub just as Damageplan were getting under way and proceeded to open fire with a hand gun. In addition to Darrell, Gale killed three others, audience member Nathan Bray, Erin Halk, and the band's trusted head of security Jeffrey "Mayhem" Thompson before police gunned him down.

Dimebag Darrell was born on August 20th, 1966 in Dallas, Texas. His parents named him Darrell Lance Abbott and music seemed to be his destiny since Day One. His father, Jerry, was songwriter and producer. Heavily influenced by KISS's Ace Frehley, Darrell, who's original nickname was "Diamond Darrell," formed his first musical outfit, Pantera, along with his brother Vinnie Paul, in the early '80s. Originally consisting of Darrell, Vinnie, bassist Rex Rocker (aka Rex Brown), and frontman Terry Glaze, they issued a trio of pop-metal oriented albums between 1983 and 1985. Glaze departed the band shortly thereafter and new singer Phil Anselmo signed on. The band's next album dropped in 1988. The band signed a major label deal in 1990 with East West Records and dropped an album the same year. The band, led by Darrell's fiery guitar playing, eventually went on to be one of the driving forces in metal music until they more or less broke up in 2000. Despite the dissolution of the band he started, Darrell and Vinnie teamed up to forge Damageplan, officially unveiling the band in 2003. Formed in Dallas, the band, which also consists of Pat Lachman and Bob Kakaha, practiced and recorded at Darrell's home studio, eventually releasing their debut album New Found Power on Elektra Records in February 2004.

A lot has been made about the fact that Dimebag's death came on the 24th anniversary of the death of John Lennon. Creepy coincidences aside, the events surrounding Darrell's death further prove that rock n' roll is indeed a dangerous business and that one should never toss around the word "fan" lightly (in an appearance on television Gene "Cow's Tongue" Simmons reminded viewers that the word is derived from "fanatic"). It has been theorized that the gunman, Nathan Gale, was a devout Pantera fanatic and troubled by the fact that the band had disbanded. While no evidence to this has been uncovered, it seems odd that a man who reportedly made Pantera's music his life soundtrack would take the life of the man who created the band.

While the music of Pantera, Damageplan, and Dimebag Darrell may not have been as well known within the mainstream pop maelstrom, they were respected and loved by their peers (and were even nominated for a Grammy's in both 1995 and 2001) as evidenced by the high volume of heavy hitters who have expressed their condolences on the Damageplan website. Everyone from Gene Simmons to Ozzy Osbourne, Ted Nugent, Dave Mustaine, and others have written words of sorrow and remembrance on the site.

Frotifiers worldwide will light the sacrament in his honor many times in the days, weeks, months and minutes to come.

Laptops on Dude's Lap = Sperm No Go

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 15:22:49 12/11/2004) Once again, the "experts" are at it telling men to keep their laptops off of their laps this time. Lead researcher Dr Yefim Sheynkin, from the State University of New York at Stony Brook, said: "Laptops can reach internal operating temperatures of over 70°C.

This ain't good for the boys downstairs. That's why they hang the way they do.

Just another step further in the stages of evolution as techno-laptop-geeks unwittingly ween themselves and their ilk out of the population. It's not just the seed smokers of frotuss anymore.

By all measures, excessive masturbation still appears to be okay if a man wants to reproduce someday. The only real side effects known there are carpal tunnel and tennis elbow and every now and then a stiff rotator but that's only in special cases where the victim has overloaded on lotion.

Fire when ready.

Ukranian Sunbathers...

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 23:40:22 12/09/2004) Yes. These are the same bastards that made up a piece of the top five news headlines of the week for the past several weeks. I guess we can all reason now why the votes were a little screwy.

This picture was taken from a group selected by Reuters as their pictures of the year.

Here is the official caption: " PICTURES OF THE YEAR 2004 - Ukrainian sunbathers stand in the sun on a crisp, frosty winter day in Kiev, February 22, 2004. REUTERS/Str:"

Here is the Frotuss Caption: "A cold winter's 'mourn. A dog. Two elderly men. A yellow dog. Three men stripping on a wood deck in g-strings, sunbathing. One humping a wall. One standing on his head. Things are looking up in Kiev!"

A Clockwork Testament; or Steroids: Tyson's End

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 23:26:06 12/09/2004) See Kids. Mike Tyson is what happens when steroids have taken control of your life. While proving, once again, that Frotuss is safer and would make you freak out at the notion of a shrinking penis, loss of mane, etc it is still, yeah you're right, no alternative to steroid use.

Mike Tyson reportedly caused $1400 of damage to a vehicle in Scottsdale, Arizona by jumping on it. This is what steroids does apart from helping hone the skills and the contours of an athlete it can turn a mild mannered speech impaired social outcast into a life threatening pit-bull of a man.

Steroids are dangerous. Why be a meathead all your life? Athletics is a shortlived endeavor no matter who you are and why become a casualty like so many great ones: Lyle Alzado, John Matuzak. These guys were real nuts, but they really didn't know why. Tyson is living for the juice. You can't even look at him cross-eyed without him disabusing himself all over the hood of your car. He was probably upset because his cocaine had just walked out the door.

If you like conspiracies, just think about where the baseball meetings were taking place this past week (nice Hotel by the way, Royal Palms and Casitas)

Outside of Australia: We're Missing out on Idiocy

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 19:25:00 12/08/2004) It looks like there are many ANNOYING, idiotic Australian personalities out there. In America we have our own annoying personalities and the list is literally in the hundreds. Australia has several that they find particularly annoying. Unfamiliar with exactly who Australia deems a "personality" or celebrity? Ironically, an Australian personality doesn't actually have one-and that's the paradox.

This dumbass-looking fellow is Larry Emdur, described as "the man with the wide grin and not much substance underneath," that "has superfluous quality which means you know who he is and that he exists, but you don't know much else" other than he's their consummate gameshow host "Down Unda".

Kind of like Chuck Woolery, except, Chuck really isn't annoying. He just has no real job skills other than smiling and talking and looking really amused.

Their Paris Hilton might just be Kate Fischer who is described thusly, and pictured following this quotation:
Another idiot. Famous for being famous and for having gone out with the son of the richest man in Australia James Packer (also a SAP), it was hard for me to find a photo of young Kate Fischerwithout her boobs hanging out of a tight top. Although she proclaims to have settled down since her "I'd even go to the opening of an envelope" and her infamous "map of Tassie (Tasmania)" remark, she is still known as some kind of party animal and wannabe "It" girl.

The stigma of this persona will probably live with her for the rest of her life, poor girl. Maybe soon Kate will grow some brains and enter a mathematics or chess competition, or something. Maybe some cerebral stimulation, no matter how nerdy it might seem, would do her good. Her personality has been described as "bubbly", which is usually a euphemism for "ditzy". In fact, I'm surprised she's a brunette, as have been most of the people on this page so far. That's why I'm choosing to mostly diss the blondes from now on...

For more information on these Australian annoying personalities click on this link for the source.

Australians are rugged frotifyers, generally, and don't ask why Frotuss has taken to being Australiaphile-ific lately. There is no logical answer.

Web Fun: Fat Ugly Bitches

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 21:56:12 12/07/2004) Feel bad for some people because they resort to stupid fun like using search engines and typing in "Fat Ugly Bitches". Those people have no lives of their own.

What's even more fun is to go ahead and type in "Fat Ugly Bitches" and then hit images. Alta Vista produced the result above among others. Feel bad for Janine Garafalo if you like Google conspiracies. Yahoo doesn't have any pictures under that category and should be ashamed of themselves.... oops.. they fixed that.

Heroin traffic finances bin Laden

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 21:35:09 12/07/2004) Hypocrisy:

1. The practice of professing beliefs, feelings, or virtues that one does not hold or possess; falseness.
2. An act or instance of such falseness.

Rep. Mark Steven Kirk, Illinois Republican, said in an interview that bin Laden's al Qaeda terror organization is reaping $28 million a year in illicit heroin sales. Some of the money is funding bin Laden's fugitive status as he pops back and forth between Pakistan's semi-autonomous tribal areas and Afghanistan's eastern mountain regions.

Tell us something we couldn't already safely assume.

The Mother and Father of Religion: Superstition

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 23:13:13 12/06/2004) Did you ever notice that God always talked to these people in the Bible but he never seems to get published these days because if anybody does say that they talk to God and God talks to them then they're just plain crazy?

Funny, isn't it. Everybody believes in God but claim that you have a direct and personal link with the creator and you'll, very soon, find yourself in a straight jacket so it goes without saying really (but I'll say it anyway) that all religions are nothing more than grandiose, intricate lists of superstitions.

Afterall, we're buying into some pretty old nutty business but because of its pomp and earthly majesty it all somehow transcends the "immediate" and causes us to give pause for just a sec as we reason that there is not a God, but in case there is- I'm going to believe a little. It's the metaphysical knocking on wood that your brain does just before bedtime that helps you fall asleep at night thinking that maybe God would have a real liking for you and let you into heaven if there is one because why not? Apart from all the masturbating and really foul stuff you did as a child that sends chills up your spine just thinking about it and those occasional or weekly coke binges you used to embark upon every once in a while "for special reasons" or perhaps some of those strips of acid you used to impress your equally doped up friends with by sticking them on your tongue and then sticking your tongue out at them and then letting that strip sit there for an hour that -despite it all- you're an alright person (a beautiful soul) who kept that door cracked and didn't really need to go to church because, JUST IN CASE, you were pondering HIM ever so much while dismissing HIM at the same time.

You probably feel that you were just Superstitious enough. I mean, come on, right? Religion was originated from parcels of superstitions. Had to have been.

There are various Superstitious sects these days. My mom belongs to one. It is The Order of "Don't Ever Set Your Purse On a Table" because its bad luck subset of mostly women. There are others. The Don't Step on Crack if You Can HelpIts. The Don't Lay Hat on Bedders. You may even be a member of The WoodKnockers and didn't even know it. You may be a Pass Frotuss To The Lefter (Pass the Duchie).

You're not going to church but you're looking out for some little mischievious evil somethings that are beyond any real realm of comprehension. It's not rational, but not that many things that are fun are that rational. Are they.

Booze Banned in Australia, Alkies are miffed to the point of despair


(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 08:41:49 12/05/2004) PRIME Minister John Howard Howard has backed curfews and alcohol bans for Aboriginal communities where leaders and elders want to put them in place. The Drunk Aborigines have been turning into anarchists, killing police and burning villages.

Maybe without the alcohol they'll move to the cities and stand in the median of busy intersections and stand they're with signs that say, "Why lie. Need money for Beer. www.beer.com...

So... Your Mother is a Spammer...

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 21:19:36 12/03/2004) So. Your mother's emails all begin with a paperclip "Fwd: FW: tips to live by" or paperclip "Fwd: FW: Serious Problems at our borders..." or paperclip "Fwd: FW: Fwd: FW: NATIONAL FRIENDSHIP WEEK..."**

You have entered the "Mom's Address Book Zone" and you've thereby become one of her most beloved spam targets. She will open every forward sent to her by each one of her friends or acquaintances or friends' acquaintances and proceed to forward those very same incredibly lame, "touching" wishes onto ten people because she DOES NOT want her luck to run out just as the last paragraph of the email threatened.

Unfortunately, the only solution for you is to do what she did so many years ago when she had you, her Bright Angel from God, you shining soul that she loves so irrationally- you must return the favor and cut the e-umbilical cord and put her into your junk senders designated area or just pre-emptively delete any and all emails from this soft, sweet, gullible person you refer to as "mom."

Or. You can be like my brother, "The Middle Child" who doesn't care what he says to "mom" and you can email her back and say, "Oh!! Another chain letter. Quit sending me your fucking shit!"

(**These are actual titles sitting unopened in my inbox currently)

North Korean Young Women March and Sing Very Fast

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 23:25:06 12/02/2004) This shocking video shows just what frightened lives get displayed by the North Korean Government. By following this link you will witness a group of young North Korean High School Women marching along singing a "Kick Your Ass If You Invade" tune. And while it is completely charming you can also see the fear of God in their eyes as they pass by.

Perhaps most shocking of all is their quickness. They're like a well organized marching band that's been slipped a quarter ton of liquid cocaine in their Raisin Brand.

NewsFlash To Talking Heads: Nobody Cares About Sluggers on ROIDS!!!

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 19:28:00 12/2/2004) Once again the breaking dead horse that will get beaten for the next 6 days will be the Jason Giambi admission of steroid use. Big deal. The guy wanted to have the same success as Barry Bonds so he hooked up with Barry's trainer and asked him how to do it and voila!! In the words of Tony Montana in the movie Scarface he must've told his mother: "zyour son eezz a beeg sassess mamma! zyou son made it to da beeg time!"

To show America how it frowns on steroid-abuse, the Major Leaguers get 5 strikes on steroids before they're actually faced with any disciplanary action from Major League Baseball. Pretty toothless stuff... and guess what everybody's doin' it, and nobody gives a shit.

We want to see baseball players on 'roids just like we want to see rockstars on heroine and MC Hammer on Crack. I'll take the old David Bowie tripping his brains into oblivion just as long as he makes up something as absurd as Ziggy and the Spiders from Mars or Syd Barrett coming up with the spacey band called The Pink Floyd. Rockers get old, get fit, and get really sucky.

Baseball fans aren't as stupid or naive as ESPN and every sportswriter in America who covers baseball like some wild-eyed raving nuts just turned loose from the looney bin. No baseball fans like the home runs and rockstars dying in puddles of their own puke. They want the best. Who cares about the means? If a guy can do it naturally, then he's a real hero. How's anybody going to be able to really tell?

Brokaw copycats Rather

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 20:58:35 12/01/2004) "It's been a great, great ... privilege," Brokaw said before becoming visibly overcome with emotion toward the end of the 16-minute segment.

Hosts Katie Couric and Matt Lauer clinked champagne flutes as the audience applauded.

"I didn't think I was going to do that," Brokaw added to more applause.

Brokaw says he's been "extraordinarily privileged, handsomely paid" to be an anchor.

It helps if you're a handsome guy, unlike Rather, Brokaw reportedly told aids.

Brokaw, 64, served as anchor of NBC Nightly News since 1983.

Brian Williams will replace him.

Making good on an exit plan announced in May 2002, Brokaw, 64, is stepping away from daily journalism to pursue his varied other interests, including more time on his Montana ranch and spending time with his hydroponic selections of Frotuss that he picked up recently from seed in Amsterdam. But his NBC association will continue under an agreement to host at least three documentaries a year.

And if a huge story breaks, "I'll report for duty; or not" he told The Associated Press recently. "It doesn't mean I'll go back to what I did before. They'll have to find a new role for me."

Brokaw: Upset about Rather Retiring, Retires