It Happens in 3s... Every Time.
(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 23:28:15 11/30/2004) One may wonder what these three men have in common. For two of them, Ty Willingham and Butch Davis, it might be obvious; they hang around with large groups of men who shower together; but, for the third, Secretary of Homeland Security, Tom Ridge- he does not hang out with groups of 50 or more men who shower together.
Actually all three were forced out of their posts officially as of today. The stars aligned and the guillotine fell upon them all. It's only natural to feel sorry for them, but you really should not as their all three multi-millionaires who must certainly harbor good healthy (or not) egos that will surely be assuaged by their next endeavor.
Medical Frotuss: Don't expect it anytime soon
(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 23:20:00 11/29/2004) Don't expect to see Washington to approve weed for medical tokers anytime soon.
"Compassionate use" marijuana measures adopted in California under proposition 215 which was written to permit peaople with chronic pain or illnesses like cancer and AIDS to use merijuana under a doctor's supervision.
These causes are all well and good, and fighting "the man" is certainly a romantic notion but people just really aren't paying attention. By and large police look the other way regarding the use of marijuana. In the majority of bars across the United States lighting up in bathrooms or discreetly in the open is widely tolerated by law enforcement and the owners of those establishments.
Why?
Because the "silent majority" of Americans have either smoked it, are smoking it, or will smoke it when they get off of work. If you aren't frotifying then you probably have a pretty good reason not to. It's not because you don't have some inkling of desire. Most police smoke marijuana and even if you do get in trouble for it, as long as you're not selling large quantities, all you get is the equivalent of a speeding ticket in most municipalities.
Forget making it legal. What fun would that be? Anybody with any sense knows that it's a heck of a lot healthier than getting all loaded on alcohol and blacking out and waking up in a jail cell after having killed someobody in an auto accident. You can smoke a whole field of marijuana and you'll never do that in a lifetime- as long as that's all you're doing.
People need to get real.
(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 18:59:31 11/29/2004) In an attempt to lure online buyers from Holland Target has left the door open for Marijuana to be purchased in the U.S.
A loophole in internet commerce has left the door wide open for cannabis purchase worldwide as this form of commerce is not regulated by the Federal Trade Commission (FTC).
Just as we said, Ozzy is a hypocrite
(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 23:23:48 11/28/2004) Ozzy's former partner in heist comes out of the woodwork to fess up to his an Ozzy's sordid past of burgle; breaking into shops, factories, and innocent families' homes.
Ozzy's old buddy, Paschal, 57 years old (pictured on left, above), said "When I saw Ozzy talking about Sharon's rings and jewels on TV, the past all came flooding back. And I couldn't help similing.
"As a teenager Ozzy didn't give a shite about anyone or anything as we went out robbing. Then all of a sudden, there he was on the telly, going on about a crime!"
(Actual Story Link)
Paschel elaborated on many more break-in stories for the media who was too eager to gobble up the nonsense.
Frotussers must always recognize that the more things change, the more they stay the same. For every celebrity who complains about being a celebrity, they forget that they're still assholes just like everybody else.
Ukrainian Politics: Invalid: Time for a "Do-Over"
(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 23:28:39 11/27/2004) In the Ukraine their parliament boosted opposition supporters by declaring an invalid presidential poll that handed victory to Prim Minister Victor (Weird Al) Yanukovich.
Officials said the ordeal was far from over noting widespread fraud in the poll. Parliament got enough "yeps" versus "nopes" based on the fact that they thought that they were authorizing a "re-do" of the US Presidential Election.
This was an extraordinarily difficult day," parliament speaker Volodymyr (Larry) Lytvyn told Interfax Ukraine news agency. "Political leaders will now have to objectively analyze the possibilities and limits of compromise. We send so many hot strippers to western Europe and so many mail-order brides to the US... you'd think this would be a two-way street. But. It's not so easy."
Royals employ hit-squads
(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 11:23:55 11/27/2004) Let there be little doubt that the Princess and her boyfriend Dodi were knocked off. In just-released audio tapes Diana called Barry Mannakke, a married police officer, "the greatest fella I've ever had.
Mannakee was bumped off in a suspicious motorcycle accident a year after he'd been taken off Diana duty by "The Family." That was in 1987.
10 years later Henri Paul just had to get away from paparazzi and sped off entering the Alma Tunnel and even though he was a quarter mile ahead of the paparazzi he passed some cars illegally veering into oncoming traffic.
Time will tell how the Royals bumped off those that hurt their reputation.
Crazy Santas Rob Bank, One Dead
(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 21:34:21 11/26/2004) In Ratingen, German- a western German town- two men dressed up as Santas and robbed a bank but they ran right between two plainclothes policemen during the getaway.
The Santas started shooting when the officers identified themselves. One Santa went down in a hail of gunfire but the other got away.
(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 21:07:02 11/26/04) Marilyn Connor, public relations manager for Neiman Marcus, defended this protesters' right to demontrate. "Everyone has the right to speak," Connor said as she watched the group from inside Palm Beach Neiman Marcus on Worth Avenue. But the Palm Beach store has no fur department, Connor said.
About 15 members of the Animal Rights Foundation of Florida (ARFF) staged a faux fashion show outside the Neiman Marcus store at noon on Friday and they dubbed their show the "Neiman Carcass Bloody Fur Fashion Show" as the demonstration featured genuine fur coats daubed with fake blood to dramatize animal cruelty.
Maybe this show would've been more effective in a colder climate. Nothing against ARFF, but just an idea.
Gay Pop Star Stalked by Straight Woman
(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 12:22:38 11/25/2004) George Michael's break-in trauma: Michael is being terrorized by a female stalker.
Perhaps someone should clue her in that he's probably not interested.
She found his private email address and has bombarded the crooner with deranged email messages.
A source close to the police investigating this case are concerned that she might end up killing him. In September George had a woman hiding beneath the floor of his home for 4 days.
Hello! He's a had a few good songs, but nothing to kill him over, and somebody needs to clue these women in that he's not really interested. Seriously, how many people ever fell in love with their stalker? "Hello, I'm Sharon Stone, and I've fallen for my maniacal stalker.... if I'd only known for the past ten years that he has the same obsession with Tom & Jerry cartoons as I do we could'be been happy years ago..."
Learning is Now Illegal at Cupertino's Stevens Creek School- California
(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 21:53:00 11/24/2004) Curriculum related handouts ie The Declaration of Independence, Goerge Washington's journal and John Adams's diary have been banned by the school's administration due to obscene references to The Creator who by the way creates all men (and women, mind you) equal according to said documents.
This could be a case of a teacher getting back at his administrators for prior overtly religious studies creating a "set up" and thereby a "shakedown" that results in said principal losing her/his job over major public outcry.
Presentation of news is half of the story. Like the guy on that A&E Investigative show who's got that really creepy voice and can make going to the bathroom by somebody sound like a very serious offense.
Black Sabotage: Sabbath's Leader De-Jeweled
(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 23:03:20 11/23/2004) Ozzy Osbourne and his wife Sharon made a televised appeal to the British public overnight for help in recovering jewelry worth nearly $2million stolen from their English country estate.
An emotional Sharon admitted that most people would likely respond with "who really gives a damn" to their plight and she's right, but she said that the theft really "pissed her off big time."
Where in the world could people pick up such dim and immoral views on society such as these that Sharon made mention. "In hindsight, it could have been a lot worse. I could have been like George Harrison. I just thank God that no one got injured," Ozzy said.
See. Rockstars have a lot to live up to. It's always trying to be just like the Beatles or Zeppelin or Floyd or The Doors. Some of them will do anything to stay in the limelight. Frotuss.com believes this robbery is a hoax or at least ironic and warranting nobody's sympathy. Get some Homeowner's Insurance Sharon!! Or contact ADT. It's thirty bucks a month.
I'd Rather Not...
(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 22:43:36 11/23/2004) Dan Rather, CBS Evening News Anchor is signing off indefinitely. The 73 year old will become a special correspondent for "60 Minutes," saying he looked forward to pouring his heart into investigative journalism.
Rather's really worried about what everybody's thinking but is he really that worried? At 73 years old he's like a Grandpa and you begin to wonder if he shits his pants while he's on air sometimes. He looked middle aged when he covered the Kennedy assassination: 
Work @ Walmart. Join a Cult.
(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 00:15:25 11/23/2004) For anyone who has been watching CNBC's Special Editions with regards to Walmart by David Faber there is an underlying theme that is very apparent but Faber is unable to broach the subject. The basic fact is that Walmart is a giant Cult Organization that forces each of its employees into submission demanding that they go to meetings and stand around and chant and sing the Walmart Song. As evidenced by the annoying greeters who are retired and get hazed like this unnamed gentleman here who we hijacked from the secret Walmart files getting forced into an oversized shopping bag, hosed down and having his picture taken to keep his mouth shut about cheap healthcare coverage to compensate for the ultra-low prices of the absolute crap. If you shop there then you probably are not looking for anything of any relevant quality. Simple as that.
But the facts are what they are. If you become associated with Walmart in anyway the meetings are designed to bring you in and brainwash you like some religious cult revival. You'll see. Walmart will fall apart when the employees are finally liberated from their own minds.
Happy Turkey Day, Get Gloved; Stuffed like a Turkey
(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 20:48:58 11/22/2004) If you look like a terrorist, you might get a hand shoved up your ass. If you smell like a terrorist you might get a rubber glove shoved up there just like a Thanksgiving Turkey.
"I know it's not pleasant," says Rep. John Mica, chairman of the House aviation subcommittee, "but until we get the technology, what are the options?"
In August, two Russian airliners crashed, almost certainly because of explosives two Chechen women had concealed beneath their clothing.
To quell complaints the TSA has explained that the screening can now be requested to be done in a private room. Graduate student Sommer Gentry, 27, says male screeners at Boston's Logan International Airport tried to pat her down while a female screener jabbed a metal-detector between her legs and asked her if she 'liked it like that'. "How can I feel safe," Gentry said, "when the TSA is ordering me to let strangers put their hands all over the most intimate of places?"
Currently the TSA is testing machines that could eliminate the need for such frisking.
Fucking Mayhem, Game Called Between Detroit Pistons and Indiana Pacers!!!
(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 22:53:09 11/19/2004) In an eruption at the Palace in Auburn Hills fans and players from the pacers clashed over top of the scorer's tables as fans made cheap shots and through hundreds of bottles and cups at the players.
Bill Walton of all people was even speechless choosing his favorite line of all-time, "This is a disgrace."
Ron Artest jumped after the fan the lobbed a full cup of beer at him. The game was called before the time ran out 97-82 in favor of the Pacers.
After the game John Saunders was so pissed off that he was calling the Piston's fans "A bunch of Sissies".
The fans were trying to punch players in the face after they'd jumped the scorers' table.
All Frotuss has to say, is "Hey, that's Friday Night in Detroit."
Fun is Now Illegal in Britain
(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 22:29:06 11/18/2004) Time to stop having fun in Britain. The government has, damn near, banned smoking in public places and foxhunting, as well as taken tactics to see that it is frowned upon to eat too many burgers and not enough healthy food.
It seems that the British Government, moreover, the newly puritanical Labour Party movement has decided people are no longer capable of making these decisions themselves and through the ages old technique, oft employed by the American Amish, of "shaming" them into submission.
Apparently statistics and mores and norms have led the British Government in the opposite direction of freedom of choice and liberty. The junkfood ban is what is really hilarious and if you don't believe Frotuss Wires, google it.
Jacko = Whacko = No Money-o
(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 19:23:39 11/18/2004) Jacko's Lawyers are hard at work once again defending him in a $3million dollar suit versus his alleged friend, Marc Schaffel, a gay porn producer. Schaffel claims that Michael Jackson became irrational in his demands for large amounts of money and extravagant possessions including luxury cars. Following September 11th, 2001 he borrowed $500,000 because he thought he was giong to have to go underground with his family.
Marc Shaffel's gay porn classics include "Cocktales" and "Man With The Golden Rod."
With Looks Like this You Must Be Guilty
(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 18:45:13 11/17/2004) Frotifier? No doubt. The picture of this guy looks like he'd do any drug that ever came in front of him. He definitely looks like the last guy you'd pick for your kickball team.
Unfortunately for his wife, Ok Sun (we're not making this up you can click here if you don't believe) he was a mail carrier and her time had run out when 51 year old David M. Dessecker decided to go postal with a blunt object on his wife who was probably named after a local tanning salon in Kent, Ohio.
They were married for 30 years had a child and a grandchild but evidently they were short on Frotuss.
Martha: A Prison Story
(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 23:34:06 11/15/2004) She looks as cold as ice. But to her prison pals Martha couldn't be peachier.
"She's a wonderful friend," inmate number 45636, Theresa Smith answered when asked about what kind of person Martha was.
"Why" Frotuss reporters asked Theresa, Martha's room mate.
"She made me her bitch on the first day. That slut Martha is filthy. And I love it. I never knew I could love a woman like I love her."
When Martha is not taking her fellow inmates to task for respect she's often showing them how to sew, clean up, decorate, cook with a microwave (this is minimum security- and the inmates have microwave ovens), balance their checkbooks (or in many cases, their 401ks and stock portfolios) and how to disguise their knife-shanks as knick knacks.
"She's just like the lady you see on TV making the Halloween snacks and stuff," admitted Tareece Jones. "She's a mean-ass bitch and there's no two ways about it. I wanna be just like her some day."
When we asked Martha, herself, if she enjoyed Frotuss, she turned her back in her cell and went over into the other corner of her cell and started to rock in a rocking chair with her arms around her chest really tight and became completely paranoid shaking her head back and forth violently and talking to herself as if posessed:"No, Martha No Like Frotuss. No."
Then, as if a spell was lifted, she walked back over to the interview, calm and soft and cool. Like a mom bringing her child cookies and milk on Christmas Eve she sat back down. Soft as a lamb.
"What was it you asked?" She pondered.
"Uhh, no further questions."
Man Lights Fart, Yells Allah, In front of White House
(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 19:49:33 11/15/2004) Alan Etter, spokesman for the District of Columbia Fire and Emergency Medical Services, said guards at the gate quickly extinguished the flames, and the man had second and third-degree burns all over his buttocks (30 percent of his body). <>The man also had burns to his head, back, arms and face but was conscious when medics took him to Washington Hospital Center, Etter said.
"I can confirm that there was an ignitable liquid present on the scene as well as in his pants from some apparent tacos," Etter said.
White House doctors joined uniformed Secret Service personnel in administering first aid until the emergency service technicians arrived. They transported the 52-year-old man, who was not identified, to the burn unit of Washington Hospital Center.
