British Bosses Need More Sleep, That's why they're assholes

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 10:33:55 10/31/2004) Twenty-five percent of British bosses are sleep-deprived and need more sleep.

Among the general population, 39 percent said they needed more sleep. Children were a main reason behind sleepless nights, while worries about work pressures and snoring partners were also mentioned as causes.

What is really ridiculous is that the study, titled "Dream On: Sleep in the 24/7 Society," suggests that city centers get filled with little "Shut-eye pods" where you stick some money into a booth and catch a few winks.

Sounds great to frotifyers who wouldn't mind little booths just anywhere to duck into in the middle of whenever for a little "frotuss break". In fact, that just might make work a little bit more of a creative process whether you're a stockbroker, attorney, policeman or psychiatrist.

The report also recommends naps at work and "catch-up" days, especially for parents with young children or else watch out for the big fat British assholes at work.

15 Excuses For Being Asleep At Work

1. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."

2. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last management course you sent me to."

3. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper"

4. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"

5. "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"

6. "I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance"

7. "Actually I was doing a "Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan" (SLEEP) I learned at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend.

8. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory towards people who practice Yoga?"

9. "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."

10. "Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!"

11. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong color pot."

12. "The coffee machine is broke...."

13. "Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!"

14. "Wasn't sleeping. Was trying to pick up my contact lens without hands."

15. "I saw Titanic last night. It hasn’t worn off yet."




81 Witches Pardoned.... Although they've been dead for 400 years


(Associated Frotuss Press Wires 18:45:07 10/31/2004) It seems only logical and rational that drugs be kept out of the hands of those who could so easily be corrupted by paranoia, and general delusions that could lead to death. Unfortunately 400 years ago the "Brown Acid" or old bread or some other fungus must've had just about everybody whigging out as the Scots let Halloween go a little too far.

More than 3500 Scots were executed amid a resurgence in Catholic feeling during the Reformation period that reached a peak under King James VI, later crowned King James I of England.

Many were condemned on evidence such as owning a black cat or cursing a neighbor who subsequently fell ill.

The 81 pardons were obtained in the Prestoungrange Baronial Court, an ancient body which will be abolished next month under a law removing the last vestiges of feudal authority in Scotland.

A spokeswoman for the court, Adele Conn, said the pardons would be for convictions under the Witchcraft Act 1735.



University of North Carolina at Charlotte is now offering a course for Dolts, Dufases and Lovers of American Idol
morans.jpg

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires 06:48:51 10/31/2004) You might be a moron if... you really dig American Idol and run out and buy all of their stuff. If you accidentally ever land on their website and accidentally click on the link to their store, it will never let you out unless you are pretty savvy on a browser. Worse yet, The University of North Carolina at Charlotte is indirectly applying for vocational school status by offering a course on the (tongue planted firmly in cheek) "genius television show" that proves with every episode that Americans are mostly sheep that flock to lunacy.

The elective course was created by Jay Grymes, assistant professor of musicology, who says he's a huge fan of "Idol." The show can be a springboard for serious discussion about the art of performing music and the craft of critiquing it, he said.

Here's a critique on this class and that show: It's a reflection of poor taste in America and how corporations get spoon fed what is good so they can spoon feed it to everyone else in mass production. The style of the music and the repetitive nature of trying to come out with songs that sound already like those that have already been consumed breeds unoriginality, but offering a course in "Idol Worship" is hardly going to help people learn from a guy who's a "huge fan."



Chick Digs Dead Beau



(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 10/30/2004 07:07:07) Karen Stolzmann, 44 been arrested for allegedly digging up her dead boyfriend's ashes from a cemetery and drinking the beer that was buried with him. She was charged Tuesday with concealing stolen property, in a case Columbia County (Wisconsin) Detective Wayne Smith calls "totally twisted and bizarre."

Michael Hendrickson, 27, died in 1992 from a self-inflicted gunshot wound. His family contacted authorities three weeks ago when they discovered his remains had been stolen.

An exhumation revealed Hendrickson's cremated remains -- along with beer and cigarettes that were buried with him -- were missing from Cambria Cemetery in Cambria.

When asked if Frotuss.com should publish an excerpt of this story Detective Smith answered, "It sure sounds like some of their made up bullshit, but this bullshit is true."

Detective Jay Yerges said Stolzmann and Hendrickson were living together in the early 1990s, while they were both married to other people. The relationship was stormy, with a pattern of alcohol and domestic abuse, he said.

Stolzmann was present when Hendrickson shot himself in January 1992. Yerges said Hendrickson's family blamed her for his death and she was not invited to his services.




When He Said "You're Ass is Mine Bueller!!" He Meant it!!



(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 19:33:05 10/28/2004) Jeffrey Jones, famously known as Ed Rooney in Ferris Bueller's Day Off was charged with Sexual Abuse, Sexual Assault and Sexual Exploitation as well as Negligent Infliction of Emotional Distress (I think we're all guilty of this at least sometimes during the day). Some of the more famous lines from the affadavit are even more classic and more explicit, certainly, than some of his movies. The alleged victim-cites assorted "deviant behavior," all of which allegedly occurred in Jones's Los Angeles home, including naked photo shoots during which Jones directed the boy, then 14, to "play with yourself." Last July, the 58-year-old Jones pleaded no contest to a felony charge stemming from his explicit photo sessions with the boy.

Some quality lines muttered by Ed Rooney to the alleged victim:

  • Will You Please Play with yourself.
  • Bend over, turn on your side, spread your legs, hold your penis.

While the plaintiff in this case was a hollywood actor he's still upset and mainly worried that his pictures will wind up on the internet. The plaintiff's name was omitted from the report on our source, thesmokinggun.com. If anyone has this insider info, please contact frotuss via our contact link.





Look out Bessie!! You gonn' Die!!

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 20:33:05 10/27/2004) Frotuss writers are known mostly for their drinking and Frotification prowess but less chief amongst those factors is our predisposition toward morbidity. While visiting a Newspaper in Kent/Ravenna, Ohio www.recordpub.com we ran across poor old Bessie whose obituary reads like this (notice the date of death skimmers):
  • BESSIE A. MCCURDY BESSIE A. - Bessie A. McCurdy Bessie A. McCurdy, age 94, of 2200 Milton Blvd., Newton Falls, Oh, passed away on October 25, 2005 at 12:45 pm at Laurie Ann Nursing Home in Newton Falls, Ohio. She was born November 22., 1909 in Porter, PA. She was the daughte
Somebody should call Bessie right now!!!



Florida Electronic Ballot (Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 20:21:29 10/27/2004)


Coach Zook Canned: Stark Raving!!!


Frotuss Exclusive Interview:

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires: 21:15:09 10/26/2004) The day after the big story Frotuss Press was able to catch up with Coach Ron Zook after he had opened up practice to anyone who "felt like" coming all the way to Gainesville. We thought we'd take pity on the poor guy who's come all this way from the tiny town known for making Smuckers, Orville, Ohio. We drove up the Florida turnpike and caught up with Coach Ron during one of the moments when his veins weren't popping out of his neck.

Ganja: Coach Ron. Many people felt that you were in over your head. How baseless were those claims?

Zook: We've beaten Georgia twice, Tennessee and last year we beat the National Champion LSU Tigers in Baton Rouge. I'd say we were on the verge of something special here.

Ganja: Coach Ron. If coach Spurrier returns as head coach would you consider remaining on the staff in some capacity.

Zook: I'm going to fucking kill you if you ask anymore stupid questions (vein popping).

Ganja: Sorry Coach Ron. I just had to guess, since you coached with him before.

Zook: I am going to kill you.

Ganja: Coach Ron. I swear. I'm not in that fraternity that you got pissed off.

Zook: I'm not going to talk about that. N-N-N-No--No No No!!!!!!! (At this point he started screaming and scratching his own face and spitting and panting, and the vein was HUUUGE! He was poised to dislodge his own eyeballs).

Ganja: Coach Ron. Easy. Easy, buddy. It's alright. I like you coach. It's cool. I swear. We all like you. It's... It's going to be okay. Coach, you can still coach. The world is at your feet. There's liable to be heaps of offers based on your ability to coach defense, special teams and recruit like no other in the goldmine state of Florida.

Zook: What?

Ganja: It's okay. Coach. (At this point he began to unfurl his body from the tangled ball that he'd woven himself into. He was heaving and had his arms wrapped around his chest hugging his back, tightly.)

Zook: Willingham (He muttered almost unintelligibly into outer space, up at the football gods and goddesses. Quietly, he muttered).

Ganja: What Coach Ron?

Zook: Stop Calling Me Coach Ron!!! My name is ZOOOOOOOOOK!!!!!! (He responded in Ape Tones)

Ganja: Ronnie! It's me! It's Ganja.

Zook: Ganja!!!! Zook No Like Ganja!!!!! (at this point he began jumping up and down like a Gorilla and I had to grab my notebook and run) Zook!!! Noooo!!!! Smoookeeey that Shitty. Goddamnit!!! Willingham, I'll get you (he was making obscure references to Notre Dame Coach Ty Willingham).


Let's Go Trippin'



(Associated Frotuss Press Wires 20:55:07 10/25/2004) We all remember LSD, Mushrooms, smoking too much frotuss and forgetting to eat for several days. Just about anything could cross your mind and seem like a good idea. I remember one time we were all dipping our feet in a pond in the middle of the night and I mentioned that it felt just like "Liquid Love". Well that statement alone got us all feeling really groovy so we all decided to jump right in. Within 12 seconds we seemingly escaped certain death as we were all convinced that the sticks and muck were really the skeletons of dead trippers drawn into that very pond. These dudes must've been feelin' it as it is that time of year for kooky fun.

Naked Man Chased from Church Pumpkin Patch (Actual Link)


Satanism "OK" in the British Royal Navy

Chris Cranmer, 24, a technician serving on the Type 22 frigate Cumberland, has been officially recognized as a Satanist by the ship's captain.

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires 20:30:40 10/24/2004) "The Royal Navy allows this kind of approach because it is clearly in line with current regulations. We are not aware of any other individuals who want to be registered as Satanists." He told a newspaper that he realized he was a Satanist nine years ago when he "stumbled across" The Satanic Bible by American 'Black Pope' Anton Szandor LaVey (pictured above). "I then read more and came to realize I'd always been a Satanist, just simply never knew."

LaVey's Satanism is largely a religion setup for the purpose of sexual seduction without any supportive spiritual guidance other than getting to dress up like it's Halloween all the time. Instead of 10 Commandments LaVey created his own version (which is extremely comical):

1. Do not give opinions or advice unless you are asked.

2. Do not tell your troubles to others unless you are sure that they want to hear them.

3. When in another's lair, show him respect or else do not go there.

4. If a guest in your lair annoys you, treat him cruelly and without mercy.

5. Do not make sexual advances unless you are given the mating signal.

6. Do not take that which does not belong to you unless it is a burden to the other person and he cries out to be relieved.

7. Acknowledge the power of magic if you have employed it successfully to attain your desires. If you deny the power of magic after having called upon it with success, you will lose all you have obtained.

8. Do not complain about anything to which you need not subject yourself.

9. Do not harm little children.

10. Do not kill non-human animals unless attacked or for your food.

11. When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask him to stop. If he does not stop, destroy him.


Pretty sissy stuff for being all "Satanic". Obviously, the Royal Navy felt it could tolerate "nice satan worshippers" of the San Francisco strain. The most disturbing element of these mandates is probably the overuse of the word "lair" which can be pretty scary, especially if used around Halloween time. He's pretty ambiguous on the mating signal. (Just imagine, "Oh, shit! You're a Satanist? Sorry! I'm still pretty iffy on that mating signal".)

For a sinister treat visit churchofsatan.com.






COLUMBUS, Ohio -- Ohio State tailback Lydell Ross has been suspended for Saturday's game against Indiana.
The announcement was made Friday afternoon.

Ross has not been charged, but is the suspect listed on a Columbus Police Department report concerning an incident that happened early Sunday morning or late Saturday night at Pure Platinum gentlemen's club on Bethel Road....


(Associated Frotuss Press Wires 19:30:15 10/22/2004) According to a police report, Ross tried to pass fake money to a 24-year-old woman at the club. The police report said five $10 "Pure Platinum bills".

After the away game in Iowa City, Iowa Ross returned to the Woody Hayes Athletic Center (WHAC), abruptly changed into his home uniform and proceeded to the strip clubs.

"It was a tough day for me, and for the whole team," Ross reported after being notified of the suspension by head coach Jim Tressel. "I just needed to blow off some steam. I didn't know my Pure Platinum Bills had an expiration. Those places change ownership all the time man! It was definitely boneheaded on my part. I was looking forward to playing Indiana because they're usually a team that I can run the ball on pretty good. I'm sure the team will step up and do fine. I have to support them and get ready for Penn State."

A security camera was able to capture this still-video shot of Lydell. A man to Lydell's left is seen wearing a Frotuss Tee that will soon be available at the Frotuss gift shop.

The Frotuss member's remarks were eerily reminiscent of the day's earlier performance where Lydell gained zero net yards on the afternoon. "He tried giving different girls the money for lap-dances but he just kept getting shut down all night for the most part."

"No Penetration?"

"Denied. He just looked like 'slow-person' in that uniform."



drunkA.jpg

Mayor Thomas Menino told the news media later this morning that he was considering banning the serving of liquor in bars in the Fenway Park area once any World Series game gets underway.

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires 21:11:15 10/21/2004) The Mayor of Boston, Thomas Menino is considering stifling the local economy near Fenway Park during the World Series for safety reasons. In conjunction with the booze ban the Mayor is toying with the notion of not allowing the locals to even view the games on the televisions in the pubs for fear that the games will actually breed rioting.

The police thought it would be a good idea if they just started shooting people. Sixteen people were reported injured early this morning as Boston police had to use what they describe as "less-than-lethal force'' to control rowdy fans after last night's Red Sox victory over the Yankees. "We're just sick of all these bullshit drunks. I just wanna sit in the cruiser and listen to the game. These lousy drunks get me real mad," Officer Sam Adams of the 16th Precinct observed.
A frotuss reporter was on the spot and had this question: "If more people just smoked frotuss, instead of got wasted wouldn't it be easier for you to not really have to do anything other than listen to the game?"

"Yeah, sure.... But what's frotuss? Is that like... pot?"

"No further questions."


Castro: Upset over Yankees loss, takes a spill....


Castro, 78, was shown on live television after his tumble, sitting in a chair at the live outdoor viewing of Game 7 between the Red Sox and The Yankees in the central city of Santa Clara, a three-hour drive east of Havana. Holding a microphone, he said that "maybe I broke my knee, and maybe an arm . . . but I am all in one piece." Castro's condition was not immediately known.

A youth in the crowd jumped up and yelled, "Safe!!" to everyone's delight except Castro's. "The international press has captured it and surely tomorrow it will be on the front pages of the newspapers," said Castro. "Those Damn Yankees!!!"

Castro had made it clear he did not want to leave the area in an ambulance and was later seen speeding away in his black Mercedes-Benz.




TaoDeChing - Lao Tze


50. Death

Men flow into life, and ebb into death.

Some are filled with life;
Some are empty with death;
Some hold fast to life, and thereby perish,
For life is an abstraction.

Those who are filled with life
Need not fear tigers and rhinos in the wilds,
Nor wear armour and shields in battle;
The rhinoceros finds no place in them for its horn,
The tiger no place for its claw,
The soldier no place for a weapon,
For death finds no place in them.






It's a Sad Day in Frotuss Land: Dangerfield Dead at 82



(Associated Frotuss Press Wires 21:11:15 10/5/2004) Caddy Shack quotes: "Let's go... while we're young." "Hey, somebody step on a duck?" "Hey, that's some hat. Did you get a free bowl of soup with it? Oh, on you it looks good, though." Back to School quotes: "During sex, she used to yell out her own name." "Call me when you have no class." "One thing about my wife. She gives great headache."


I can't Get no respect.

Boy. You don't much funnier than this guy. He defiinitely had my respect. What weekend evening is complete without Caddy Shack or Back to School or Easy Money playing on TBS or Superstation or TNT? One of my favorite pastimes is quoting Dangerfield. The guy seemed like he was on all the time. I'm not one to say that this death is horrible or tragic. 82 is a pretty ripe age. But there we go. Disrespecting Rodney.

For fun, google Rodney Dangerfield, or go to www.rodney.com and remember the original hilariity that always made any frotification that much better.









What did you do this Summer? JoePa answers!
(Associated Frotuss Press Wires 20:28:09 09/30/2004) When he's not chasing down refs for blowing calls on Saturday afternoons in Happy Valley, PA coach Joe Paterno can be spotted at carnivals around the country engaging in one of his pastimes that he's enjoyed since he coached in the eighties: "Mullet Imitations".

His friends call the 78 year old "Super Mullet". When asked about his father's bizarre pre-occupation with the weird hairstyle Jay Paterno simply responded, "That's pops. He has a lot of unknown sides to him that people don't know about. His personality is as diverse as his preference for quarterbacks."

"It really makes people laugh," Coach Joe Paterno said when asked why he goes around in his goofy getups. "I get a charge out of it. It's funny how people get right out of your way and assume that you're real pissed off, ya know!?.... I just love the smile on people's faces when they realize it's me. The little kids are a little more frightened."

We can't blame them.

Coach Paterno says that it divides him away from football in the summertime so that he's ready for a fresh start when fall practices start. "I tried Yoga. I tried everything. I even tried LSD back 30 some-odd years ago with my staff, but I ended up sleeping in the dog house, barking at the full moon with my offensive co-ordinator sleeping on the dog's roof, like Woodstock the little bird. That didn't help us win any more games. Since 84, for, I don't how many years that is now, I've been real happy with the mullet. I have 7 different whigs now."

With his pastime out of the closet, so to speak, it's now evident why so many Penn State, and Big 10 fans in general sport the mullet. It's a JoePa thing. Call him "Super Mullet" in the summertime.


cannabis.jpg



Ricky Williams told to pay back Dolphins

(Associated Frotuss Press Wires 21:16:37 09/29/2004) When asked if he intended to pay back the 8 million plus dollars, Ricky responded "It's entirely too late for that. The laws of America don't apply to me anymore as I've renounced my citizenship and am now a proud citizen of Thailand. I'm a Thai-Stick farmer now. I was inspired by that song by Phish that refers to the "Meat Stick" and it all came together for me while I was snorkeling here off the coast while tripping on mushrooms. I saw this fish that looked like a stick and the fish spoke to me. It said that I should grow frotuss and make hemp clothing. It was a wise fish."

It appears Ricky's underwater moment of lucidity has altered his already altered views on a life already skewed. Talking fish have apparently given Ricky freedom from the law. Ricky related his experience to something he remembered hearing some place from somebody but he couldn't remember to be sure. He stated: "Just remember. As you ramble on through life, keep your eye upon the doughnut, not the hole."

After that statement Ricky closed the door on his expansive grass hut and his handler, Zulu Puff (pictured)
asked for no more questions until Ricky is ready to speak again because he was heading into a meditative trance that may last for several weeks.





Frotuss.com will be attempting to be a little more introspective and a little more sensible in our interviews. We're not going to be interviewing random guys off the street like Gus anymore. Will be handling more humanitarian issues such as human freedom and the freedom to frotuss when and where we like. It all kind of reminds me of the Shoebox card that has God on the front putting together cheap Target furniture: "And on the 8th day. God created cheap particle-board furniture which requires some assembly."


And when you look down the instructions are lying on the ground and he's really struggling and the thought bubble says.... "me dammit"

Yeah. Stuff like that. You'll either be impressed or entertained but not possibly both. Or. I could just be telling you what we're going to do, kind of like those commercials that say, "after this message will talk about what you're really interested in hearing about," and then they say it again before the next message, and before the next message. Kind of like watching the news for weather or sports. Just real disappiointing shit that gets your hopes up.





Interview With Gus, Frotuss Member

ganja: So Gus. How did you become a frotuss.com member?

Gus: I saw you wearing a frotuss.com shirt while you pumping gas at the gas station and I decided to check out the website after you told me I would like it.

ganja: Why Gus did I think you'd like www.frotuss.com.

Gus: 'Cause you said you talked about Amsterdam and shit on it.

ganja: Why do you think I mentioned Amsterdam?

Gus: I forget dude. You told me no hard questions.

ganja: It's alright Gus.

Gus: Thanks ganja. You're pretty cool.

ganja: Whatever gus. What were you doing at the gas station?

Gus: I was trying to smoke a joint in my car but I didn't have a lighter!

ganja: That's right. And what did I do?

Gus: I forget dude.... wh.. what... uuhhhh.. wait... oh that's right... don't tell me... you went in the gas station and bought me a lighter.

ganja: That's right. I took mercy on you because despite your haircut you were not trying to hide that you were frotifying.

Gus: That's RIGHT!!! THat's RIGHT! ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

ganja: Alright Gus. I'm sure you're a pretty normal guy outside of that haircut. What are you up to these days when you aren't frotifying.

Gus: ha ha ha ha ha. You're funny dude!

ganja: What. You think I'm not going to post this interview gus?

Gus: ha ha ha ha ha ha.... Ok. I wait tables and am going to community college right now.

ganja: Well, I think that some day you'll have your own television talk show.

Gus: ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Yeah. The Frotuss show!

ganja: an on that note...







Interview with the (former) Iraqi Information Minister

January 12 - Furloughed Iraqi Information Minister Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf (M.S.S.) has a brand new "gig" - TV talking head for Abu Dhab. Recently we caught up with him in Palm Beach as he was visiting the The Breakers and rubbing elbows with fellow television news journalists, Tom Brokaw, Barbara Walters, Ted Coppel, Dan Rather and many more.

ministermuhammed.jpg

ganja: So, Muhammed. Seems like during the American incursion into Iraq you were not being very truthful. What do you say?

Muhammed: Well it's like this. Either you put on a good show and act like everything is under control or Saddam, he's crazy you know, he just shoots you. Not him really, but one of his guys or one of his sons. They're crazy, too.

ganja: So that's the story behind, "The Americans are nowhere near Baghdad" type of stuff.

Muhammed: Yes.

ganja: You know I speak for a lot of Americans when I say that we miss you and those reports. It was such an easy war then with an identifiable, uniformed non-religious, or secular type regime....

Muhammed: If I may interrupt, mr frotuss.com guy, we were, on the contrary, extremely religious. We were devoted to Saddam. Every other word out of our mouth before "praise Allah" was "Long Live Saddam". You don't know how crazy that man is. He thinks there's a conspiracy to kill him if you don't say that. Saddam, he's crazy you know, he just shoots you. Not him really, but one of his guys.

ganja: That's good Muhammad, but those reports you gave were something else. We could hear the tanks and bradleys in the background, sometimes even see them as you gave those reports. You're a comedic genius and a masterful one at that, on an extremely large, world stage. Did anyone ever offer you you're own late night television talk show?

Muhammed: Yes and no.

ganja: I knew it. Talent like yours' doesn't just walk out of Baghdad everyday.

Muhammed: Yes, I know. It took years of practice, let me tell you.

ganja: So, what happened with the show.

Muhammed: The BBC came to me with a few different ideas, but they wanted me to wear my old uniform and they really couldn't pay me as much as the Uncle Sam had already done for reasons which I cannot disclose right now so I'm playing it cool. FOX is thinking about a show for me called "The Spin Zone" to come on right before "The Factor" but we're real far away on numbers and the concept... I'm not too sure I like because it's reality TV programming and I'm not so sure I can be as evil as Simon on American Idol because I was more of a Paula Fan. I'm more nice like her or Randy.

ganja: So what is the actual concept of "The Spin Zone?"

Muhammed: I hope I'm not giving too much away here but the idea is to deliver news in a completely unbelievable way without giving it too much away your true emotions.

ganja: Hey that sounds more interesting than the actual news. I'd probably watch that.

Muhammed: Yes. I know. It was my idea. So I know. It will be great. If they ever get around to paying me Simon money.

ganja: What happens to your contestents if they win?

Muhammed: They will get placed into a foreign government with a repressive regime and asked to deliver the news to the people of the country as though it were the word from Allah himself.

ganja: You've got to be kidding me!

Muhammed: Of course I'm kidding. I'm always kidding

ganja: Well, that about wraps up our time Muhammed. I don't know if I can believe anything you've said, but you should seriously consider getting an agent and a doing a book deal or something. Hey, it's not too late to throw your hat into the middle of American politics. Right now we're in the middle of a pretty gruesome battle for US President.

Muhammed: Yes, I know, I know. American President. All the Presidents of America are the same. Steal our oil. Kiss Saudi Ass. Let the Isrealis do what they want. Same old story.

ganja: Who do you think should be president?

Muhammed: Saddam Hussein.

ganja: You're a nut. I mean of America.

Muhammed: Saddam Hussein. That guy is really crazy. I have a neuromodulator in my brain that makes me say that. That's how crazy he is! I'll get shot. He's got guys everywhere.

ganja: You're crazy dude. Well good luck with your fellow press and enjoy your stay here in Palm Beach. I gotta get ready for my real job tomorrow.

Muhammed: Thanks Ganja Dude. Remember. America isn't really even in Baghdad. That's all Hollywood craziness. And. That's not the real Saddam! Ha.

ganja: You are one crazy mutha.

Muhammed: Thanks Dooood!












Interview with The King!!!



As you all probably already know, Jack Nicholson is a big time frotifyer and recently we ran him down while he was on location in Key West at the Hemingway Festival.

He was not an easy target, but I, Ganja who have seen One Flew Over the Cuckoo's nest 27 times can spot Jack even if he's wearing a fake white beard and and a white whig.

We told him about Frotuss and since we hooked him up with some really good frotuss he was more than willing to answer a few questions before we got really wasted with him (he never let me buy anything, either. I told him I had a real job, but he said "he didn't," so he should pay. Oh well. I hate to be a mooch.)


ganja: Jack. Mr. Nicholson. Sir. How long have you been a fan of Frotuss?

Jack: Ever since I could forget, ha ha ha!! (laughing with his big smile, kind of kidding me)

ganja: Me three.

Jack: Well, I guess I got started back in the early sixties. I was helping a bunch of guys who draw cartoons for Warner Brothers and they were always getting high. I'd take some back to my one bedroom apartment with a girlfriend and we'd get really stoned, have some good conversation and then proceed to fuck our brains out, ha, ha ha (laughing with his evil grin).

ganja: that's fantastic. what do you think of the frotuss that's available nowadays as compared to other times.

Jack: It's head and shoulders above the rest. Head and shoulders. The frotuss these days'll set you right after, oh, I don't know 2 or 3.

ganja: 2 or 3 what?

Jack: Oh, I don't know. 2 or 3 hits and 2 or 3 glasses of a nice single malt scotch.

ganja: I can't believe you just said that.

Jack: Said what?

ganja: Oh, I got enough problems with the booze and all... ha ha ha ha (me, laughing like an idiot- because I know he knows that I'm doing him as George Hanson in Easy Rider)

Jack: Oh yeah.

ganja: Hey, Jack. You ever talk to bullfrogs in the middle of the night?

Jack: I'll tell you one thing I didn't ever do was talk to bullfrogs in the middle of the night! (I lose my mind at this point and act like I'm going to punch him in slow motion, and I start laughing so hard that I can't keep asking him semi-serious questions- because he just finished his own line from the famous campfire scene in Easy Rider)

ganja: Jack, why won't anyone ever remake clockwork orange?

Jack: I think only Stanley could ever remake Stanley. It's probably going to be generations before someone could step up and do something of Burgess's genre right again. I don't know, quite honestly.



ganja: Alright Jack. That's enough for Frotuss.com for right now. I'll get more from you later, so we can do a part 2 or something. I'm too thirsty for some scotch, so I'm turning off the recorder.

Jack: Thanks ganja. Something tells me that I've said that before, (then he smiles like the guy in Witches of Eastwick, fucking evil).







Okay. Quick thought. We all need to get together on this one:

If you meet a celebrity actor tell them this: "I think you need to be Alex in a remake of Clockwork Orange." Trust me. They'll think this is a great compliment and it'll get you in the door with them. I meet celebrities sometimes, and it's best to come up with a backdoor crazy compliment to them interested in you. This is not only a backdoor crazy compliment, it's a great fucking idea. Just think about it:

Tom Cruise: "Hey Tom. You're an awesome actory. Have you ever thought about doing a crazy remake of Clockwork Orange?"

~He'll think it's a great idea and that maybe he can get Toby Maguire to play Alec.

Christopher Walken: "Hey Chris! Dude, you need to do a remake of Clockwork!"
~See, he's smart enough to understand that Clockwork mean's Kubrick's rendition of Burgess's most renowned work.

Jack Nicholson: "Dude. Clockwork. Weed. Frotuss, man"
~No explanation necessary.



Does anyone Remember the Movie Network?


Well. I'd like everyone to just go over to their window and lean out and go ahead and say: "I'm mad as hell! And I'm not gonna take it any more!"

LEGALIZE IT. DON'T CRITICIZE IT.


Legalize It
~Peter Tosh

(CHORUS)
Legalize it
Don't criticize it
Legalize it Yea-ah Yea-ah
And I will advertise it.

Some call it tamjee
Some call it the weed
Some call it marijuana
Some of them call it ganja
Never mind, got to...

(CHORUS)

Singers smoke it
and players of instrument, too
Legalize it Yea-ah Yea-ah
That's the best thing you can do.

Doctors smoke it
Nurses smoke it
Judges smoke it
Even lawyer, too
So you've got to...

(CHORUS)

It's good for the flu
Good for asthma
Good for tuberculosis
Even Numara Thrombosis

Go to...

(CHORUS)

Birds eat it
ants love it
Fowls eat it
Cooks love to bake with it

So you've got to...

(CHORUS)



Favorite Films While Frotified or otherwise 'Feelin' It'


In keeping in the spirit of things way up HIGH the brothers of Frotuss have decided to share with a you a list of favorite movies that are definitely Frotifiable. In order to make this list the film has to have quailities that make you happy in that really weird way or just tortured and demented on the inside or perhaps somewhere in between.

We'd also like to post our favorites from any readers who would like to submit to ganja@frotuss.com and yes we do show favoritism. The world's not exactly fair, is it, but we try to make you think we're brilliant.

Reader Suggestion:

Flash Gordon, cannot believe I overlooked this one. Fantastic effects. Awesome characters. Very trippy.



1. The Dark Crystal

2. Willow

3. The Wall

4. Labyrinth

5. Dragonslayer

6. Zabriskie Point

7. More

8. The Doors

9. Natural Born Killers

10. Pulp Fiction

11. Starman

12. Excalibur

13. The Man Who Fell to Earth

14. Trainspotting

15. Caveman

16. A Clockwork Orange

17. The Shining

18. Easy Rider

19. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

20. Apocalypse Now

21. Blue Velvet

22. What Dreams May Come

23. Caligula

24. Mad Max

25. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

26. Where the Buffalo Roam


Okay, so there's a list with lots of reviews (not be me, who has that kind of time?). You may be able to guess what my criteria was for these movies was but in case you don't know me personally, as I have many, many personalities, I will tell you that I was probably under the heavy influence of a mind-altering drug and really enjoyed these. Not particularly hard drugs, but enjoyable enough that the memory of watching these is always revisited whenever I watch them now. I can still feel that speedy irk across my platitudinal cranium membranes squishing and pulsating to an inner indian drum beat causing me to laugh uncontrollably even at the times when i should not be laughing- causing me to weep when I should not.

These are all wicked-crazy masterpieces and I'm sure there are many more that I'm not thinking of right now, but if you gave me 15 minutes to think of a list, there it is. We may add more later, but who really cares, right?

If you need a gift for a weird (frotuss memberish) person, just click on one of those links.




Ricky Williams, Frotuss Member

PART 2: Interview with Ricky

Ganja: Ricky, we're sorry that everybody back here in the states is giving you such grief over your decision to retire from football. We'd like you to know that at Frotuss, we love football, but we love freedom and Frotuss just about as much.

Ricky: Well, that's a nice change. Nobody seems to understand that it was my decision and they'll really never understand how everything unfolded.

Ganja: With all that said, Ricky, let us be the first to interview you about something other than football. How's the cannabis in the Netherlands these days?

Ricky: Fantastic! And thanks for asking.

Ganja: How's this year's crop of white widow?

Ricky: It's great. Real good. You seem to know a bit about frotuss, ganja.

Ganja: You don't know the half of it. How 'bout this for a description of the white widow: After the first puff, that daunting warm feeling of impending stoniness comes over you. You feel it just under your eyes and throughout your body in time. It is a serious heavy highness.

Ricky: That's fantastic! It's like you're right next to me.

Ganja: White Widow is a cross between Brazillian and Indian pot. 60% sativa, 40% indica. What's your favorite, there, Ricky?

Ricky: It's hard to decide. I mean, where I'm sitting and typing to you they have a whole menu... all the different skunks, papaya, misty, chrystal, durban, purple haze, shiva, big bud, bubble gum, k2, supergirl and of course, probably my all time favorite, Northern Light.

Ganja: How about the Hash, Ricky? Here in the states, hash is a real treat. Can you tell some of our readers about some of your hash experiences?

Ricky: Around here you mostly get the different varieties of moroccan or lebanese, which isn't the highest end stuff, but pretty good. I like everything. I made lots of friends here in Amsterdam and none of them know me as a football player. They just think I'm a big dude from America who is real laid back and just enjoys being in the middle of this big fun carnival-like atmosphere. It's really beautiful.

Ganja: You said it, Ricky. Definitely one of my favorite places I've ever been to visit.

Ricky: Yes, definitely.

Ganja: Well, Ricky, you probably want to go hang out and have fun. Get back to us whenever you get the chance. Frotuss.com sure enjoys talking with you.

Ricky: Hey, great talking to a fellow connosseur. Look forward to catching up again, sometime.

Ganja: Anytime dude. Anytime.


The Brothers of Frotuss have decided to take pity on their fallen star of a friend, Ricky Williams. We decided that he shouldn't have had to quit the NFL's Dolphins over silly drug tests, which are an invasion of privacy and go to show you that America has a long way to go to become a free Country like it once was, oh say, 300 years ago.

We'd love to tell you that we have an interview with Mr. Williams, but we don't. We did, however, manage to catch up with a member of his entourage cyber-chatting from a cyber-coffee shop/internet cafe from, arguably, our favorite city on the planet: Amsterdam. He decided to use the code name Zulu Puff.

Ganja: So, Mr. Puff, how is Ricky enjoying his newly found freedom?

Zulu Puff (ZP): I'd say that he's flourishing.

Ganja: Has Ricky ever been to Amsterdam before?

ZP: Oh, Yeah! This is one of Ricky's favorite towns. He enjoys the anonymity of being in Europe, but, he's pretty popular here anyway. He loves hanging out at Global Chillage.

Ganja: Oh, yeah. Definitely one of our faves, but how can you pick one from the other. After a while they begin to become quite a blur and you have to take a walk outside of the Red Light District.
How does Ricky smoke his Frotuss? Does he smoke joints, American Style or does he mix in the tobacco from cigarettes and smoke it euro-style?

ZP: It doesn't matter to Rick. He smokes it any old way, with anybody who wants to burn down. I'd have to say that we toke a lot of bong-hits together. He likes to have a lot of ice in there because it feels cool going down.

Ganja: Does he enjoy eating space cakes?

ZP: Absolutely. That's what we ate for breakfast today.

Ganja: Breakfast of champions.

ZP: No doubt.

Ganja: Have you enjoyed the mushrooms and/or any of the art museums?

ZP: As a matter of fact we're going to the Rijksmuseum after these crunchy little bastards kick in.

Ganja: Excellent. Hey, Zulu P, it's been nich chatting with you today. I had to get up awful early to chat with you and since it's about noon and you're probably getting the munchies, I'll let you go. Try to catch up with us later. Let Rick know that Frotuss supports him.

ZP: Will do. Thanks! Next time, we'll chat a bit longer.

Ganja: That's cool. I've got to get ready for my real job. Let's catch up this weekend.

ZP: Very cool. Maybe I'll get Rick to participate in the next chat!

Ganja: That would be killer, dude. Hey, I'm jealous of you guys.

ZP: Later dude.

Ganja: Late.

















Hey, Fuckface! Where you been. Alright. We're going to admit it now. Frotuss is weed. Get it! Now you're in on it, but you can only tell it to people who are cool. If you're finding this out for the first time, please, let me suggest to you to keep it on the DL.

Just because we think frotuss should be legal doesn't mean that we want trouble. Marijuana has been under prohibition for a very long time and it is due to guess what reason? That's right: MONEY. Ok. So that wasn't such a big secret either. The Constitution is written on Hemp, isn't it? The Declaration of Independence? Whatever. Americans are far from free.

This site features writing from very free thinkers. Frotuss is weed and I don't even really smoke it anymore, but, I should be able to if I want to. As I write this I'm staring into an empty beer bottle with a lime on the bottom and I can drink as many of those as I want. I'm a relatively honest, free-thinking, free-spirited guy and if I'm smart enough not to drive after I've had too many of those then I'm smart enough not to kill, maim or injure anyone including myself after I've enjoyed the frotuss.

So, if you love weed and you want to talk about it in public. Go ahead and just use the word "Frotuss". It is the code. We will flash a message like this on this site on here on occasion for our readers.


PS: Gunter had more work done.

FROTUSSFEST QUOTES

"If it weren't for Janet, I'd still be face down in the neighbors back yard" Uncle Mike

"Turkish, do you have a little screwdriver?" Everyone

"What the hell am I doing in Ohio?" Tarbo

"What the hell am I doing in Ohio for 10 days?" Uncle Russ

"Are you still smoking those dirty things?" Aunt Fran

"Ganja is looking hot!"
Frotussfest Anonymous (I swear, the webmaster did not want to put this up)


The Whole Weekend revolved around listening to an audio CD and a DVD that featured this:

"Come on now! When you gonna start drinkin' ", Tarbo..

" You're early, Early for next year!!!!!!!!! "Ganja"

Just kiddin' .........

MITCH HEDBERG QUOTES

I got an ant farm. Them fellas didn't grow shit.

I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.

Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier than helping someone move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load shit into a truck.

I got my hair highlighted, because I felt some strands were more important than others.

I want to be a race car passenger: just a guy who bugs the driver. "Say man, can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Why do we gotta keep going in circles? Can I put my feet out the window? Man, you really like Tide..."

I wrote a letter to my dad - I wrote, "I really enjoy being here," but I accidentally wrote rarely instead of really. But I still wanted to use it so i crossed it out and wrote, "I rarely drive steamboats, dad - there's a lot of shit you don't know about me. Quit trying to act like I'm a steamboat operator." This letter took a harsh turn right away...

...and then at the end of the letter I like to write "P.S. - this is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated.

I got in an argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That's a bad place for an argument, because then I tried to walk out, and had to slam the flap. How are you supposed to express your anger in this situation? Zip it up real quick?

I type 101 words a minute. But it's in my own language.

I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry. And that's extra scary to me, because there's a large, out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside. Run. He's fuzzy. Get outta here.

I have an underwater camera just in case I crash my car into a river, and at the last minute I see a photo opportunity of a fish that I have never seen.

One time a guy handed me a picture of himself, and he said, "Here's a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture of you is of when you were younger. Here's a picture of me when I am older. You son of a bitch, how'd you pull that off? Let me see that camera...

My roommate says, "I need to shave and use the shower. Does anyone need to use the bathroom?" It's like some weird-ass quiz where he reveals the answer first...

...Every time I go and shave I assume there is somebody else on the planet shaving as well, so I say "I'm gonna go shave too"

Sometimes I wave to people I don't know. It is very dangerous to wave to people you don't know, because what if they don't have a hand? They'll think you're cocky. "Look what I got motherfucker, this thing is useful...I'm gonna go pick something up"

My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got half way. She's an actress, she just never gets called to the set.

On a traffic light green means go and yellow means yield, but on a banana it's just the opposite. Green means hold on, yellow means go ahead, and red means where the fuck did you get that banana at...

I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.

If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be fucked up.

I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at the store oftentimes I will drop it, so that is achieves its maximum flavor potential.

I bought a seven dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.

I think pickles are cucumbers that sold out. They sold their soul to the devil, and the devil is dill...

I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughtnut...I don't need a receipt for the doughnut - I give you money and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I can't imagine a scenario that I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. To some skeptical friend, Don't even act like I didn't buy a doughnut, I've got the documentation right here...

I was walking down the street with my friend and he said "I hear music." As though there's any other way to take it in. You're not special. That's how I receive it too...I tried to taste it, but it did not work...

You know they call corn on the cob, corn on the cob, but that's how it comes out of the ground, man. They should call that corn, they should call every other version corn off the cob. It's not like if you cut off my arm you would call it Mitch. Then reattach it and call me Mitch-all-together...

2-in-1 is a bullshit term, because 1 is not big enough to hold 2. That's why 2 was created.

I have a cheese-shredder at home, which is its positive name. They don't call it by its negative name, which is sponge-ruiner. Because I wanted to clean it, and now I have little bits of sponge that would melt easily over tortilla chips...

I know a lot about cars. I can look at a car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

I use the word totally too much. I need to change it up and use a word that is different but has the same meaning. Mitch do you like submarine sandwhiches? All-encompassingly...

This shirt is dry clean only. Which means...it's dirty.

I saw a human pyramid once. It was very unnecessary. It did not need to exist.

I played golf...I did not get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. That's way more satisfying...

...You're supposed to yell 'fore' but I kept thinking there ain't no way that's gonna hit him.

I have a friend who is a juggler. When I go to his house I don't like to take food from him if it is in threes. "He has three apples left...I guess I can't have one"

At my hotel room, my friend came over and asked to use the phone. I said "Certainly." He said "Do I need to dial 9?" I say "Yeah. Especially if it's in the number. You can try four and five back to back real quick."

My lucky number is four billion. That doesn't come in real handy when you're gambling. "Come on, four billion! Fuck. Seven. Not even close. I need more dice."

I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

I went to the park and saw this kid flying a kite. The kid was really excited. I don't know why, that's what they're supposed to do. Now if he had had a chair on the other end of that string, I would have been impressed.

If you had a friend who was a tightrope walker, and you were walking down a sidewalk, and he fell, that would be completely unacceptible...

I don't own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone needs to get ahold of me they just say, "Mitch," and I say, "what" and turn my head slightly...

I hope the next time I move I get a real easy phone number. Something like, 222-2222. I would say sweet. People would say, "Mitch, how do I get ahold of you?" I would say, "Press 2 for a while, and when I answer, you will know that you have pressed 2 enough"

I wrote a script for a guy, and he said he liked it but he thought that I need to rewrite it. I said, "Fuck that, I'll just make a copy."

I don't wear a watch because I want my arms to weigh the same. So if somebody asks me what time it is, I have to tell them something that is going on. "What time is it, Mitch?" "Uh, that guy is eating a hamburger." "Shit, I had to be somewhere..."

That would be cool if you could eat a good food with a bad food and the good food would cover for the bad food when it got to your stomach. Like you could eat a carrot with an onion ring and they would travel down to your stomach, then they would get there, and the carrot would say, "It's cool, he's with me."

I saw a six pack of soda-pop for $1.20. That price fucks with your head, man. Because then I though that I would start selling soda-pop. Suddenly I got things of pop with me. "What's going on, Mitch." "Not much, looking to buy some pop? Fifty cents a can. It's not refridgerated because this is a half assed commitment."

My friend said to me "Man, this weather is trippy." I said to him, "No man, perhaps it is not the weather that is trippy, it is the way we perceive it that is indeed trippy..." then I thought, man, I should have just said, 'yeah...'

I opened up a container of yogurt, and under the lid it said Please Try Again because they were having a contest I was unaware of. But I though I might have opened the yogurt wrong...or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me, 'c'mon, Mitchell, don't give up. Please try again. A message of inspiration from your friends at Yoplait. Fruit on the bottom, hope on top.

I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shishkabobs.

Foosball fucked up my perception of soccer. I though you had to kick the ball and then spin 'round and round. I can't do a backflip, much less several simultaneously with two other guys.

I never joined the army because at ease was never that easy to me. Seemed rather uptight still. I don't relax by parting my legs slightly and putting my hands behind my back. That does not equal ease. At ease was not being in the military. I am at ease, bro, because I am not in the military.

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much I play, I'll never be as good as a wall. I played a wall once. They're fucking relentless.

I think Pringles' initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles is a laid-back company. They said "Fuck it. Cut em up."

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

I used to be a hot-tar roofer. Yeah, I remember that...day.

An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order" sign, just "Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience."

Because of [dropping] Acid, I know now that butter is way better than margarine. I saw through the bullshit.

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.

My friend said to me, "You know what I like? Mashed potatoes." I was like, "Dude, you have to give me time to guess. If you're going to quiz me you have to insert a pause."

I went to see a band in New York. The lead singer got on the microphone, and he said "How many of you people feel like human beings tonight?" Then he said "How many of you feel like animals?" And everyone cheered after the animals part. But the thing is, I cheered after the human being part because I did not know that there was a second part to the question.

People teach their dogs to sit, it's a trick. I've been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.

I like cinnimon rolls, but I don't always have time to make a pan. That's why I wish they would sell cinnimon roll incense. After all I'd rather light a stick and have my roommate wake up with false hopes.

I had a bag of fritos, they were texas grilled fritos. These fritos had grill marks on them. Hell yeah, reminds me of something, when we used to fire up the barbeque and throw down some fritos. I can still see my dad with the apron on, better flip that frito, dad, you know how I like mine.

In England Smoky the Bear is not the forest fire prevention representative. They have Smacky the Frog. It's just like a bear, but it's a frog. I think it's a better system, I think we should adopt it. Because bears can be mean, but frogs are always cool. Never has there been a frog hopping toward me, and I thought 'man, I'd better play dead. Here comes that frog...' You never say here comes that frog in a nervous manner. It's always optimistic. Hey here comes that frog, al-right. Maybe he'll come near me so I can pet him, and stick him in a mayonnaise jar, with a stick and a leaf, to recreate what he's used to. And I'm pretty sure I'd have to punch some holes in the lid, because he's damn sure used to air. Then I can observe him, and he won't be doing much in his 16 ounce world.

Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic. Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupis... one of those two doesn't sound right.

I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

When you go to a restaurant on the weekends and it's busy they start a waiting list. They start calling out names, they say "Dufrane, party of two. Dufrane, party of two." And if no one answers they'll say their name again. "Dufrane, party of two, Dufrane, party of two." But then if no one answers they'll just go right on to the next name. "Bush, party of three." Yeah, what happened to the Dufranes. No one seems to give a shit. Who can eat at a time like this - people are missing. You fuckers are selfish....the Dufranes are in someone's trunk right now, with duct take over their mouths, and they're hungry. Bush, search party of three, you can eat when you find the Dufranes.

Before I did this show they gave me a physical, and in that physical they asked me a bunch of yes or no questions, but they worded them funny like, do you like sugar....... or PCP?

*********************ALL INTERVIEWS ARE FICTITIOUS UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED********************








Actual Fotos of Distant Galaxies (home)

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